overcoming loss and discouragement

I have been surrounded by miscarriages my whole life. Many people close to me have had them and I always felt sorry for them, but I had no idea what they actually went through. I grossly underestimated the pain, grief, and despair that comes with a miscarriage. To understand that I had to go through it myself. 

One week ago today, while I was in Rome, I lost my sweet baby that I have grown to love so much these few months. I was far away from home in a country where I didn't speak the language or know anyone. I have never wanted to be home so badly.

I'm not going to lie, this is the hardest thing I have had to experience in my life thus far. I felt a strong connection to my baby. I have been excited to be a mom for as long as I can remember. I have day dreamed about it and now it was finally going to be a reality. I couldn't contain my excitement. 

I had some very spiritual experiences with this baby and when Cole gave me a blessing at the beginning of my pregnancy I felt like everything was going to work out. In my mind I thought that meant I wouldn't have a miscarriage. For a lot of my life I have assumed the worst and then been pleasantly surprised if the best happened. This was one of the first times in my life that I didn't do that. 

As I started spotting blood I still felt very hopeful that I wouldn't lose this baby. I felt at peace. But just before we went to bed the bleeding got worse and that was the first time I faced the reality that I could very likely lose this baby. I felt a depth of sorrow and loss I have never experienced before. 

I felt like Cole and I should watch a Mormon message and read some scriptures. As we did together we felt a very clear impression: God knows us. He understands our situation. And just because we have faith in miracles does not mean that the miracles we want will happen. I felt that in the eternal scheme of things, Cole and I learning this lesson would be something that would bring us closer to God. 

I remembered a quote from Elder Scott's talk Trust in the Lord. He said, "Your Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit or for that of those you love."

I knew in my heart that this was true. If this was something that would be of no benefit to me I truly believe He would have stepped in and healed me. But I believe He allowed this to happen to draw us closer together and closer to Him. 

I also felt a very strong impression that angels would be with me to bear me up. He never leaves us alone. As I have been through this experience I can testify that angels have been all around. 

My first angel is my sweet husband Cole. He cried with me. He rubbed my feet as I tried to sleep. He did anything he could to make me comfortable and he made a lot of calls to make things happen. I could not have done this without his support. 

My mom was another angel and one of the most important. She cried with me as I told her of my pain and sorrow and worries. I felt her love from clear across the world. She made lots of calls and stayed up most of the night in order to help me and be there for me. I honestly don't know of any woman more selfless and kind. 

All of my family were angels. Diane, my mother-in-law, called a nurse for me and called us and expressed her sympathy, that meant the world to me. Genna, my sister-in-law called and gave me advice and most importantly just showed how much she cared. I've received prayers and texts from all of my family and I have felt power beyond my own because of their love and support. What a blessing to have family on both sides who are so supportive and truly angles in my life. 

Also my sister Michelle and her husband Kevin (they were on the trip with us.) They were amazing. This put a huge damper on the trip but I never sensed even an ounce of frustration. They got me food and supplies and my sister cleaned up all of the blood. She cleaned our room and made sure everything was perfect when we came home. Such a relief for me. 

One of the most miracles set of angels were the sweetest senior couple I have ever met. Cole found a contact number for the assistants here and they got us in touch with the mission nurse. She made special arrangements for me to see a doctor at an international hospital even though they are normally closed on Sunday. 

They drove there to meet us. Then this sweet woman I had never met before encircled me in her arms and cried with me. I felt the love of the Savior through her. Then they drove us around to get money from an ATM to pay for the doctor and drove us home. We literally wouldn't have been able to do it without them. They were a miracle. 

Then when we got home late Thursday night some of my best friends had gotten me flowers with a nice note and the perfect willow tree statue. It was called prayer of peace. I had been feeling during the rest of my trip that I wanted something to remember this baby by, but I wasn't sure what it should be. As soon as I saw that I knew it was perfect. It would always remind me of my baby, and not focus on the sadness of the loss but the power of the Atonement that I felt through the whole process. 

When we got back to our apartment the Gardners had gotten me three beautiful bouquets and put them around and left a sweet note. There are very few things I love more than flowers so this was perfect.

As I have been home there have been people continuing to be angels as they have reached out to comfort me. I have felt God's love for me so strongly. I wouldn't ever wish this upon anyone but I am really grateful for it. I know that sounds weird, but I am. I have felt God's love and the enabling power of the Atonement so acutely. 

I know that God is our loving Heavenly Father and that He knows me. I know that He sometimes allows us to go through hard things because it helps us to become like Him. I know that this is an inspired church and I felt the power and support of it through this as so many helped me. 

the love story: FROM DATING TO COURTSHIP

Yours Truly:
Regardless of my hesitancy to kiss on our first date and to be exclusive I still wanted to see him a lot. That same week we went on two other dates. I can't say that I have the best memory of what exactly we did on every date from here on out... I'm sure Cole can tell you, but I know that one of them was him coming to play games with my family. That was interesting... I could tell he felt super nervous and I definitely didn't want my family to think it was anything serious so we acted like good friends. We had a good time. My family liked him, but he was being his super shy version of himself.

Cole:
After our first date, I knew things were going to go uphill from there! Although I knew that she didn't really love our first kiss, I knew that she secretly LOVED it and that she still wanted to date. I knew this because she invited me to come up to her house that week and play games with her family! I was beyond terrified of her family at the beginning though. I wasn't quite sure how to act though... They all had so many inside jokes and stories, I just didn't know where to pipe in! So I kind of kept to myself and laughed when appropriate. I really loved meeting her family though. I got to see a fun side of Annie that I had never seen before.


Yours Truly:
Again, unlike typical girls I can be bad with remembering dates and details, but at this point I found myself having an inner battle. I knew that I liked Cole, but I liked other people too. I also felt bad because I was just making him wait on hold kind of while I figured things out. (He said he was asking other girls on dates, but I never saw evidence of that.) I met his family and I really liked them and they made me feel very welcome. (Including his adorable grandpa calling me Cole's "girlfriend"... I felt a bit awkward about that.) His family wasn't very good at hiding how much Cole liked me so I was getting more and more worried that I was going to hurt him, but what I didn't realize was that more and more I just wanted to be with Cole. Even though I was excited about other dates and boys I always found myself gravitating to Cole. I couldn't help but call him and hang out with him and go on dates. And I couldn't get over what a good person he is. He really made me want to be better.

Cole:
Yeah... I didn't really date a lot of other girls once Annie was home. I went on a few dates during the Summer when she was still on the mission, but once she got home, that was it! It was fun for her to meet my family though. She straightened her hair and wore a pretty green dress. When my family met her, they all looked at me and gave me the thumbs up. My mom whispered "she is beautiful!" Good times.

Yours Truly:
Then came the date of all dates. It was the turning point for me. It was a very simple date. It was his mom's birthday so we made a very delicious cake for her, ate it with his family, and watched a movie. I know it may not seem like anything special, but for me it was. It felt like a snapshot into what real life with Cole would be like. We were laughing, talking, baking, visiting with his family, etc. Through all of that I just felt completely comfortable and happy. I remember actually thinking on that date, "I think this is exactly what everyday life with Cole would be like, and I like it." I felt so happy. I knew then that I wanted to date him. I wanted to make sure that I didn't just feel this way on a whim or that it was just that night so I didn't tell him that I wanted to exclusively date just yet.

Cole:
My mom's birthday was a really special date for us. During the whole process up to this point, I was just hoping that Annie would want to keep dating me and eventually get to the point where she only liked me. As for me, however, apparently I wasn't the hardest to get. But let's be real, it's not that difficult to love Annie. Who can blame me? That date was a really fun and memorable, but to her, it was a game changer. That's when she fell in love with me! (She tells me now). It made me happy to know that I didn't need to do anything extravagant or spend a lot of money for her to like me. She liked me because I knew how to have a good time by just being myself!

Yours Truly:
The rest of that weekend was good and we had a great time. Then on Monday we went with his family to a play at the Hale Theater in Orem. I felt so happy. Again, a simple date but I knew. I knew that I wanted to date him exclusively. I didn't have any desire to go out with anyone else. I felt so happy and excited so I finally told him after the play that I wanted to date him and only him. He was just a little excited. ;)

Cole:
The two or three days following this date were life changing. Annie really started to warm up to me and express MUCH more interest in me. After the Hale Theater on Monday night, Annie told me how much our date the previous Friday had meant to her and that she just wanted to go on dates with me. Wahoo!!!! I was so happy. This was the end of the single life as I knew it. I mustered up the courage and I said, "Annie... I think I'm falling in love with you." and she said, "Yeah, I think I'm falling in love with you too, Cole." Life was bliss.

Yours Truly:
Not too long after that I knew that I wanted to marry him. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Then, we went to the temple rededication of the Ogden Temple together and the whole time I was there I felt the strongest impression that this was who I wanted to marry. I knew it. I felt that that was something God was pleased with too, but I waited to pray about it until that night. When I prayed and told Heavenly Father the decision I had made and asked if He thought it was a good idea. I felt the most clear impression I have ever felt that this was the right thing to do.

Cole:
So I know that God really trusts me and my decision making, so when I really prayed to know if Annie was a good choice, I felt calm and confident the whole time. I never had an overwhelming answer that she was the "right" one, but I always knew that Annie was an excellent choice. As time goes on and on, I'm realizing how excellent she really is.

the love story: OUR FIRST DATE

Yours Truly:
I'd been home for about a week and a half and life was a bit insane. Cole and I had talked on the phone some and texted a bit (this seemed SUPER weird after being on a mission. I kept trying to tell my sister everything he was saying to me because it felt inappropriate to have a private conversation.) We planned to do something chill so we could get to know the non-missionary side of each other. I was really excited. I had been on several dates since I'd been home and they all were great guys, but Cole was one of the ones I was most excited about.

Cole:
Boy oh boy, I can honestly say that I was so excited all summer to finally go on a date with Annie. She wasn't really thinking about it because she was still on her mission, but I was so excited. A few weeks before she arrived home, I sent a message to Kevin and Michelle on Facebook discussing the best plan of action. Of course Kevin came up with something brilliant. It was a few days after she got home from her cabin, and I called the Tanner's home phone. As soon as Daken answered the phone, I said, "Does the goose fly at midnight?" and he responded, "Only in Nantuckett" At this moment, everyone in the home knew that I was calling. Daken gave the phone to Annie and we had a wonderful two hour conversation. It was so weird talking to her not as a missionary, but the conversation didn't feel awkward at all! We planned on going on a date the next Monday after I got home from Washington DC.

Yours Truly:
The day finally came and he came to my house to pick me up. It was so strange seeing him dressed in normal clothes and especially without a companion at his side. I couldn't help but notice that he was looking at me differently than he ever did while we were on our missions. Our first hug was a little weird because it was in front of my whole family, but not too bad. We went to cold stone first and had a great chat over ice cream. I think I said, "wow, this is weird" several times throughout the night.


Cole:
The day FINALLY came! Up to that point, I was SO excited. But then the dreaded drive up to Centerville was the longest drive of my entire life. My heart was pounding and I could feel myself breaking into a nervous sweat. My stomach began to turn and I felt a little bit queazy. I finally made it up to Centerville, but instead of going to the Tanner home, I went to Carls Jr. to use the restroom. I looked myself in the mirror, gave myself a little pep talk, and mustered up the courage to finally drive up. I said a little prayer in my heart and walked up to the front door, just to see Annie for the first time in regular human clothes looking as beautiful as ever. I was anticipating a really big hug straightaway and it would be the most magical thing in the world! But it wasn't. We kind of gave each other a little side hug and I was introduced to her lovely parents, ready to start a wonderful evening.


Yours Truly:
Then we went on a little hike/walk above the Bountiful temple. As we walked up the mountain he grabbed my hand. I was a little taken off guard. I hadn't been home very long and I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but I enjoyed it. When we got to the top we were having a great chat and we had such a good hug. Not awkward like our first. It made me feel all happy and excited inside. Hugging was something I really missed on my mission.

Cole:
We went to Cold Stone and had really naturally flowing, jovial conversation (which apparently she thought was awkward at first? what the?) But I could tell that she was happy, and I was having the time of my life. We drove up past the Bountiful Temple to enjoy the beautiful view. We got out of the car and began to walk up the hill behind the temple. For about two minutes, my heart was thumping and I just stared at her hand, then finally, yoink! I grabbed her hand! I was so proud of myself. Finally, when we got up the hill our magical hug finally happened. It was perfect! We hugged for probably an entire minute overlooking the sunset and Temple, pretty magical right?? I loved it.

Yours Truly:
Then we went to a park to go star gazing since we both love that. We were having a great chat and then we saw a shooting star. Immediately we both made a wish... to be honest I don't even remember what mine was, but then Cole was telling me to stand up. He got that look in his eye. Then he told me that kissing me was his wish and he kissed me. I remember him asking me if it was ok and I said yes. I didn't want to make it awkward. I liked him. I wanted to keep going on dates, but when I kiss I like it to mean that I am exclusively dating that person.

So fairly quickly I pulled away and explained that to him. He took it well. It lead to some great conversation. I liked him a lot after that date. I was very excited about what it could maybe bring. I wished we wouldn't have kissed, but it didn't scare me off. At all. And that's saying something for me because I normally would have run the other way. Especially, when I was so fresh off of my mission.

Cole:
Originally, I had never planned on kissing Annie our first date. I had been pressured jokingly by a few of my friends, but I really didn't plan on kissing her. We both expressed our love for star gazing, so we decided that would be a fun way to wrap up the night. We went to a park nearby her house and gazed at the stars. After a bit of time, I was feeling a righteous urge to kiss her, but I kept telling myself that it was too soon. As we were looking at the sky, however, God sent us a bright gleaming shooting star straight across the sky, which was a clear signal to me that I needed to kiss her. No witness until after the trial of your faith, right??? I told her to stand up, then I looked her in the eye and said, this is my wish, and I slowly went in and kissed her. Apparently, Annie thought that I ASKED her permission to kiss her??? Not my style. The kiss lasted probably about .8 seconds before she pulled away and while smiling said, "You punk! I don't kiss on the first date!" Ha. While feeling a little guilty and embarrassed inside, I was certain that she enjoyed it because of the way the night had already been going, even though she doesn't like to admit that. We established that we would only kiss when we were officially dating. We continued to talk and laugh and I felt strongly inside that Annie would be a great option for me to pursue.

the love story: HOW WE MET

Yours Truly:

The first day I met Cole I didn't even know his name was Cole. All I knew him by was Elder Gardner. It was my second day in Australia. I was extremely jet lagged, although I was in denial and I thought I was fine, wrong. I was feeling overly tired and a bit strange being a new place and my companion was sick to top it all off. I was FREEZING so I already had my pajamas on under my skirt and had a huge blanket wrapped around me.

Elder Gardner and Elder Jordan were my first zone leaders. They came to welcome me to the zone and say hello. They are both very enthusiastic people... I was a bit overwhelmed... I thought to myself, "Wow, these Elders are waaaay too peppy for my taste." Again, I was jet lagged and easily irritated. It ended up being one of my favorite things about their companionship.

Cole:

I remember the first time I met Sister Tanner! Not because anything special happened. There were no sparks or anything even remotely close to that. I was a young Zone Leader and more into my mission than ever at that point, being completely focused on the Lord and His work. Elder Jordan and I were excited to have another sister in our Zone, because sisters typically have a strong work ethic and bring a strong fire into missionary work. Let me tell you, Sister Tanner did just that! She and Sister Vinck were some of the hardest working missionaries in our zone and we loved being able to work closely with them. At this point, I felt no real attraction to Sister Tanner, although she was beautiful.

My first transfer in Australia with Elder Gardner

Yours Truly:

I quickly grew to love (in a friendly way) both of these Elders. My companion and I were both brand new missionaries and we really didn't know what we were doing, so essentially they trained us. I think we called them with at least one question everyday. They were SO patient and kind to us. All four of us became fast friends and I didn't think much of it. 

I always stayed good friends with both of them. They were assistants together as well and I had the opportunity to serve in places and positions that caused us to see them quite a bit and I got to know Elders Jordan and Gardner very well. I always knew that they were outstanding Elders and I was very excited that we could all be friends at BYU. 

I noticed quickly that Elder Gardner and I got along really well. He was a great leader to me. He was kind, fun, and thoughtful. The more I got to know him the more I realized how GOOD he is. Cole is just good to the core.

Cole:

As my mission went on, I continued to get to know Sister Tanner on more of a missionary level, but as a friend as well. The more I got to know her as a friend, the more attracted I became to her, and therefore, the further I wanted to stay away from her! I prayed and fasted multiple times that I would be able to stay focused and do the Lord's work with a clear mind. I sincerely did my very best to never ever flirt with her and to only speak to her like two missionaries do with each other.

Yours Truly:

Cole finished his mission 3 months before I did and when he went home he left a letter for me. It was very appropriate and kind. He told me that he loved serving around me and hoped we could write until I got home. We did. 

We started writing every week. I noticed that he would wait up until quite late (his time) so that he could get my email before he went to sleep. I found myself greatly anticipating his emails and seeing him in a less "missionary-type" way. I loved the advice he gave me and he helped me to push hard until the end of my mission.

Cole:

When I finished my last transfer, I decided that I would write her a letter telling her how grateful I was for her example of faith and hard work. She really was such an incredible missionary. I always looked up to her as one of the most obedient sisters in the mission. As I worked hard the summer I got home in Washington DC, I would look forward to emails from her every Sunday night. We wrote more as friends, but I still encouraged her to remain faithful and stay focused to the end, which I had no question that she would anyways.

HIS divine purposes, not mine.

Being home from a mission for two months now has proved to be an interesting time in my life. I have been so blessed and happy, but there has also been some stressors involved. I know that for me it was right to come home a bit early so that I could start school right away. It felt great to jump right into an awesome job and a full schedule with lots of challenging classes. I still love all of my classes but sometime I feel like I can't quite catch my breath. I'm happy, but at the same time I feel like I'm drowning.

This past week was one of those weeks. I've had a lot of good and exciting things happening in my life, but professors at BYU don't schedule "big life decision" into the syllabus. I'm also taking a lot of classes that aren't in my comfort zone of school. I absolutely LOVE what I'm learning, but that doesn't mean I can always do well on the test... In fact, tests this semester have proved to be more frustrating than ever before.

This week I had a lot of things to do and a lot of tests to take and study for. I thought I would get one of the easy tests out of the way so I could have more time to study for my more challenging classes. I studied as much as I could and took it. I felt pretty good about it, but it was different than I had expected. I thought I would still do ok.... nope. It was fine, but not for how easy of a test it should have been. I mean this should have been a 100%. Let me tell you, it wasn't.

I went home feeling discouraged. I had a blessing at the beginning of the school year from my dad that made it sound like I would do well in school this semester. This isn't exactly what I would consider "doing well." (I thought I'd learned my lesson in trying to decide exactly what God means in my blessings.) I also have the stress of not being accepted into my major yet, so therefore, I need good grades to get in.

Sooooo all of this lead me to call my mum and my sister. They're both always really good to listen and talking me through it. They helped give me some great council, but the thing I wanted more than anything was a father's blessing. It wasn't an option because my dad and mum were out of town for the weekend.

I knew I could pray so I did that. I knelt down and poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father. The tears were flowing and as I prayed I felt His love. I also felt an impression to listen to my father's blessing from the beginning of the year (I always record them on my phone.) As I listened to it at first I was just frustrated because it was saying all the things I didn't feel were happening. Then, there was a part of the blessing that I don't think I had ever really heard before. Heavenly Father told me that there would be changes in my life, but that I would feel peace and that He would quickly reach out to me and bless me and He would be with me.

I felt His love surround me. I felt a very clear impression that Heavenly Father didn't say that at the beginning of the year for me to feel comfort then, but that He said that then knowing that what I would want most right at that instant would be a father's blessing. He knew it wouldn't be possible so He gave me a piece of, what I believe was, what I would have heard if I had gotten a father's blessing that very day. It is incredible to me that God loves me so much that He thinks of all the details. He knows it all and has made plans to help us all along the way.

It didn't stop there either. That night when I came home my beautiful roommate Faith (who had overheard my phone conversations and crying) gave me one of the most inspired and beautiful letters I have ever received. I knew again that God was watching out for me. There were things that she said that put my mind at ease like nothing else could. I feel so blessed to have such a fabulous and inspired roommate who could be an answer to my prayers.

Then it didn't even stop there. The next morning I was doing my gospel studies and I was watching a Mormon Message called Daily Bread: Experience and it was just what I needed to hear. Elder Christofferson says,

"Though I suffered then, as I look back now, I am grateful that there was not a quick solution to my problem. The fact that I was forced to turn to God for help almost daily over an extended period of years taught me truly how to pray and get answers to prayer and taught me in a very practical way to have faith in God. I came to know my Savior and my Heavenly Father in a way and to a degree that might not have happened otherwise or that might have taken me much longer to achieve."

I have felt that, especially with school. School has never come easy to me. I have always had to work hard and even then, I still don't get the grades that some people do to whom it just comes naturally. It can be frustrating and challenging, but I don't mind because it's teaching me to rely on God. I could never even pretend for a minute that any success that I have, especially in school, is because of me. When I do well, it's a gift from God and it's through His goodness that He has blessed me to do well because it fits into His divine purposes.

This doesn't mean that I don't have to work hard and do my part. What it really means is that I am going to work hard and do my part even if it doesn't result in the miracle of a good test score or ultimately getting into my program. I know that when I do my part it doesn't guarantee the results that I want, but that it always results in what HE knows is best for my eternal progression and when it really comes down to it, that's what I care about.

I'm thankful for a loving Heavenly Father that cares about me enough to let me have these challenges because they help me to rely on Him and whenever we do that we can't help but become more like Him and that's the ultimate goal.

letter.seventy.two: 08.11.14 LAST LETTER "He's not finished with me yet."

I LOVE AUSTRALIA!

I can't believe it. I can't believe it's here. It's the time you never think will come, but here it is staring me in the face. My last full week of missionary service was great. So many appointments fell through and we didn't meet our goals, but that's not what matters. What matters is that even though it didn't go the way we planned, we kept pushing through and because of it we had a great week.

This week I have been reflecting on my missionary service. It has been rewarding, to say the least, to reflect on the many lessons learned and blessing that have come to me through my service as a full time missionary. Here are a few of the main ones.

*God is good. All of the blessings that have come to me on my mission and the miracles I have seen are not because of me, but because God has been good to me and blessed me with them. 

*God really is our LOVING Heavenly Father. There have been times of overflowing joy and times of deep sorrow on my mission. In both of those emotions it was evident to me that God loves me and has a plan for me. He knows just what I need and He lovingly guides me there. He isn't just waiting to condemn our every move, but rather to help us accept the mercy that comes through His son, Jesus Christ. 

*Faith is in Jesus Christ, not results. True faith is leaving the results to handle themselves. I've found that the true measure of faith is when you keep going even when the results that you want aren't coming. You know that through Christ anything is possible, but that even if the desired miracle doesn't come you keep going and moving forward because He knows a better plan for you.

*"Perfect love casteth out fear." As I have prayed to be filled with the Savior's love for others and myself it is the way I can make it through without any fear. If you just concentrate on loving, then that pure love will help the Spirit to guide you because that is what the Spirit is all about. Love.

*The power of personal prayer. As I have striven to make my personal prayers more meaningful it has changed my relationship with God to be a much more real and personal relationship.

*Humility is the secret to happiness. True humility is what brings the most happiness in every part of life. Holding onto pride is never worth it. 

*Anyone can change. It's the most amazing thing that you get to witness on a mission. It doesn't matter where they came from, anyone can change if they choose it. Myself included.

*"Judge not, that ye be not judged." You never know where people have come from. You can't always understand the way that they are and just because someone lives differently than you doesn't mean that it's wrong. Even when it is against church standards, you have to try to see where they are coming from before you try to help them or they'll just feel judged. 

These are but a few of the priceless gems I have learned on my mission. It has been a beautiful journey. As I studied on Saturday I was reading about how to know if you're a successful missionary and about the power and authority of our calling. Then I also read my setting apart blessing. As I read I carefully considered my mission and the missionary and person I have become. I felt as I read them that I have done my best. I have never been perfect, but I have given my full effort. As I read I felt an overwhelming peace that God has truly accepted my service and is proud of who I am, but more importantly He is proud of who I'm becoming. 

There is a song we listen to as missionaries that I think is perfect. It says, "There is hope for me yet, because God won't forget all the plans He's made for me. I'll just have to wait and see. He's not finished with me yet."

I know that God isn't finished with me yet. I know that this time as a full-time missionary was just a springboard into a life of changing and progressing. I am eternally grateful for God steering my path in this direction. Especially when I was so fixed in another direction. I have been blessed beyond what I ever could have imagined while being here and I'm so thankful for that. 

I know that missionary work changes people because it's changed me. I know that this isn't just a nice church, but the only true church on the earth and I am so thankful to be a member of it. I wouldn't trade that for anything. 

I love you all. I can't believe I get to see my family in just a few days. I love you with all my heart and never could have done it without your love and support. 

Heaps of love from down unda,

letter.seventy.one 08.04.14 All in the Lord's time.

Wow. This is getting a bit outrageous. I cannot believe how fast this week went. I think every morning I've turned to my companion and said, "I can't believe it's Wednesday." Or whatever day it was. Time is just slipping through my fingers, but we had a great week.

This week we were able to teach a lot and it was perfect weather so we were even able to walk to some places and find new investigators from walking from place to place. It was delightful. 

There were so many people that we were able to teach and testify to. I am trying to really make the most of my time here and take advantage of the unique privileged that it is to tell people that I know with a badge over my heart. I love it. I feel like I don't know any other life now. We have been so blessed with incredible spirit-filled lessons. 

One of the best was with S. She is amazing. She is so ready for baptism, but she was just struggling to commit to a day. She's been coming to church the whole time I've been here and is even going to seminary every morning. She's awesome. We've been studying all week to know how we can help her make that leap of faith. So on Sunday during Sunday school we took her and a few of the girls that are her fellowship and we had an amazing lesson. The spirit was so strong. We actually showed the first bit of the John Tanner movie. I felt so much gratitude for such an incredible example from someone who is my forefather.

We talked about the sacrifices people make to be baptized and why they make them. We talked about the promised blessings of baptism, especially the Holy Ghost. We talked for a long time about the gift of the Holy Ghost and the amazing blessings that come with it. 

We also showed her "Your potential, your privilege" of Elder Utchdorf's and helped her see the blessings that are waiting for her when she lives up to her full potential by being baptized. Then we asked her if we all could kneel together and pray to pick a date. We first looked at the calendar and looked at days. First she was looking for some time in September. Then we pointed out to her that if she got baptized this week she would be able to do temple baptisms when they go down to Perth. That's what changed it all. It was amazing to see all the girls there supporting her and encouraging her. Not in an overbearing, pushy way, but it helping her realize that she can do this and that she is ready. It was awesome. She is the bomb. She picked this Thursday, so it can replace mutual. Then we all knelt in prayer and she prayed the most sincere prayer to Heavenly Father asking if this was His will. The spirit was so strong. I thought I was going to cry. I felt so overjoyed! She did it. I love those moments. It makes it all worth it.

The last step was for her to check the date with her parents. Her parents have already said that they don't mind if she's baptized and they even think it's a good thing, we just had to see how they felt about this date. 

This morning we talked with S and she said she talked with her mum and that her mum is ok with her getting baptized but she wants her to wait because she wants to make sure S is really committed. She doesn't want her to just get baptized and fall away. When she first told us that I felt a peace enter my heart. I knew that it was all going to work out that was best for S and her family. It would have been amazing to have her baptism before I left and knowledge and commitment wise she was very prepared, more than a lot of people I've taught. I know that God has a plan for her though. Who knows? This could be the way that her family starts to accept the gospel. All I know is that God has a plan and that He knows what will help her to progress to exaltation and I'm just happy that I got to be a part of it. She'll get baptized, but in His timing, not mine and that's just fine with me.

God has been so good to me and I thank Him every day that He lead me to be on a mission and to be here in Kalgoorlie. I have loved every minute of it and I plan to give it every last bit of my heart and soul in my last week. I love this work too much to do it any other way.

I love you all. 

 so much love from down unda,