letter.forty 12.30.13 ^daily bread^

Oh what a week. It was so so so much fun to see you all on Christmas! I thought I'd died and gone to heaven. You all were the best present I got, although I have LOVED my other presents you sent. You're so generous. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

 

Christmas Eve.

Christmas was awesome. I loved spending time with the two families in the ward. And Dad the Filipino family made us the best flan I've ever had in my life. It. Was. Incredible. I nearly died. It was a beautiful Christmas; I felt so much love and peace all day.

 

Christmas Crackers. Best Tradition Ever.

Although after Christmas had come and gone I wasn't sure what to do. For my whole mission, Christmas has been my marker point. I knew it was about half way and that it would be a great day so I've looked to that and now I'm not really sure what to look to because it's a bit overwhelming to think of the end of my mission as a marker. That's how I am though. I have to have something to mark the way if I will be able to endure well.

Then this week we couldn't get a meeting with Haylee so she seemed less solid and I was just really struggling with having the desire and motivation to keep going out. It can be slightly daunting to go out when you know you've got 5 straight hours of finding ahead of you. But I was trying to keep a positive attitude. It was never a question of whether I would go out or not. I don't stay in the flat. I just had to force myself. I was tired and just felt blah.

I prayed for strength to be able to make it through. I needed help just to get out the door on Saturday and get on my bike. I didn't know what to say to people or how I could keep going but I did. I know it's only because God was helping me. Almost 5 minutes after we left to go out we were talking to a man on the street and he said we could come over later that night to teach him. So not only was it a new “gator” but something we could do that night instead of just straight finding.

Then we were able to have some beautiful conversations with people, who didn't become “gators” but they had a very positive and uplifting experience with Mormon missionaries. God is so good to me. I didn't think I would be able to make it through the night, but He blessed me to be able to make it; one step (or pedal really) at a time. It turned out to be a great night.

This was Saturday and so that night I prayed for help. I thanked Him for His help that day but I also poured out my heart to God about how I wanted to be able to feel the drive that I usually do. I pleaded for the help and strength I needed to be able to know how to overcome this little hurdle.

Then church came. First of all it was amazing because Haylee came to church even though we hadn't had a lesson all week! She said that she wasn't going to stay for the whole 3 hours at first but then she ended up staying and saying that we could have a lesson with her after lunch! It was amazing.

The other thing that was a miracle was that God provided me with the perfect lesson for my pleadings the night before. We had a combined lesson and it was on New Year’s resolutions. (speaking of, if you haven't watched the New Year’s Mormon message go watch it now. It's so good.) That wasn't the part that really stood out to me though.

We talked about the talk and watched two of the Mormon messages by Elder Christofferson called, "Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread." Michelle sent that talk to me a long time ago and I loved it but I needed to hear it again and the way it was presented helped me so much. I realized that it was ok that I wasn't feeling like I could conquer the world at the moment. I just needed to get through the next day, the next hour.

I also realized, that while I don't particularly like this feeling of needing help to do every little thing it helps me grow. I realize that I can't do this on my own and I get to feel even more strongly of God's guiding hand in my life.

I realized how much God has blessed me on my mission to learn this several times over. I can't even count how many times I’ve felt helpless on my mission. I knew that I didn't know what the investigator, my comp, or I needed. I had to rely on God. I have had to go into lessons, contacting, and meetings hand in hand with the Lord because I knew full well I couldn't do it on my own. I didn't have the wisdom or the strength. I feel so grateful to have learned that and to continue to learn that.

It also gave me the motivation to keep going and pushing forward, no matter what. God will give me the strength. I don't have to focus on the time I have left, but just on the next day, the next hour, the next minute if need be.

This is what has and will continue to help me gain a real relationship with God. I know Him. He loves me. I feel than when I pray, especially in those times where I know I'm at the end of my capacity and I have to fully rely on Him. He doesn't always boost me with heaps of energy or wisdom, but sometimes just enough to light the path and keep me praying the whole time for what I or other's need. There were more things I learned and I hope you've all read the talk/watched the Mormon messages. They're incredible.

The lesson then concluded with the bishop’s remarks. He talked about how they have been struggling with cancer and many other things but that sometimes when we pray for the big miracle we don't get it, but when we look for the little miracles and tender mercies we can always find them. He said that on the lowest point (the day before Christmas Eve) God sent them a miracle. Us. We were doing some caroling and we stopped by their house. It didn't make logical sense because we were going there the next night for dinner, but something kept telling me that we should go there so we did. He said they knew it was God telling them that He loved them and was watching out for them.

God is good. He knows and loves each of us. He cared enough about this family that He sent us to their house caroling even though it wasn't logical. He changes me. He sanctifies my offering, no matter how big or small it is, depending on my capacity at the moment.

I am thankful for the growth and the change that comes on a mission and that has come for me because my mission hasn't been a breeze. I am thankful that I have had to rely on God because I have developed a deeper and more real love for Him. I know that Christ lives and is with us as we reach out to Him to "give us our daily bread."

I love you and miss you all. I could not be happier to be out here! I hope you have a wonderful new year! HAPPPPPPPPPPY NEW YEAR! (As dad would say)

Love you heaps,

letter.thirty.nine 12.22.13 ^God, am I broken?^

Oh what a week it has been! It started out as a fairly normal week. We went on exchanges and I went to Thornlie, which was fun, but when I came back Sister T told me that they went to teach Dolly and she told them that she had a problem with tithing. They apparently had a pretty bad lesson with her because her friend was there. Tithing was the thing that stopped Gennie in Halls Head from getting baptized so it brought back all of these painful memories. I started to get really nervous, but as I prayed before I studied for her I remembered 2 Timothy 1:7;

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

I realized that the feelings of fear were from Satan and that I needed to rely on Christ. I felt peace as we went to teach her. We taught well and by the Spirit. By the end she was feeling better about tithing but then she said she couldn't come to church. She had to come this Sunday and the next in order to be baptized on the 3rd. I was so sad. We had to push her date back, which is always a little nerve racking because you don't want investigators to think it's ok to just keep pushing it back. But I was trying really hard to rely on God more. So I accepted it.

We had a lesson with Haylee Saturday evening and she was excited to come to church and even telling everyone in her family that they needed to come. I felt so blessed to have her because it helped ease the pain of Dolly’s situation.

Then Sunday morning came, Haylee's grandma came, but she didn't. That meant that her date would have to be pushed back too. There were some family issues and she was tired from not getting much sleep so she didn't come. I was heart broken. I sat there as church was about to begin and I wanted to cry.

All of my old doubts and insecurities came creeping back. “What is wrong with me?” “Why is it that I keep having investigators fall through?” “What was I doing wrong?” “How come other people got to teach investigators who got baptized?” Then I remembered all of the experiences I've had in the past and how much I have learned from all of them. I knew I needed to change my attitude, so I prayed and asked God to help me know what I was supposed to learn from this. If there was something I needed to change, I wanted to change it, but I really wanted to know what I was supposed to learn.

I had two experiences that helped me overcome this. One was during one of the talks at church. This mum, who has an autistic son, said that they had races at school and he came in last, by FAR. She said he came up to her and asked if he was broken. I realized that's how I felt. I was asking my Heavenly Father if I was broken.

She then talked about how as a mother this broke her heart. I thought how Heavenly Father must feel as I ask the same question. He feels my pain. He doesn't want me to think that way because He sees me like this boys mum does, for my efforts not for my shortcomings.

She then went on to say that the next year in the race they gave him a huge head start. He still was going to loose to one boy who is very fast, but instead of winning this boy slowed down and they crossed the finish line together. Then her son struggled to get up to the podium and this boy helped him up and they stood up there, arm in arm, together. It was a victory for both.

That is how it is with Jesus Christ. To start off with He gives me the biggest head start of all, but then even still it's only because of Him that I cross the finish line and then whenever I do see "success" I know that it's only with Him that I got there. We stand together, arm in arm because that's how we got there. 

The other was as I just opened my scriptures and turned to John 15. The first verse I saw was verse 5 that says, "without me ye can do nothing." I felt so clearly that I needed to stop thinking about what I was doing because I was doing my best. I know that I have been giving my all and now I just need to rely on Christ. I try to do too much on my own and I rely on my own wisdom and abilities, but I was reminded again that I need to rely on Christ.

All of John 15 really touched me and I wish I could give you a verse by verse break down of what I felt with each verse because each had such poignant and personal meaning to me and my situation.

One that I would like to share is verses 1-2. It talks about how Christ is the vine. That is one of my favorite titles of Christ because He is the thing that makes us anything. Without a vine a branch is completely useless. As a missionary, no effort that I make on my own is worth anything. It's when I do it with the spirit that it means something and changes people.

Then it goes on to talk about how when branches bear fruit that He "purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit." I felt like these verses were written just for me. It was as if Christ were saying to me, "Sister Tanner, why do you keep trying to do this on your own? I am the vine. I am what gives you the strength and sanctifies your offering. So what does it matter to you if you are being purged at the moment? I know what I'm doing. I am going to help you produce even more fruit and I'm doing this because I love you. It may hurt now, but it's for the better. Trust me."

I felt an overwhelming love from Him. I just want to trust Him and rely on Him. I may not have the blessing that some missionaries get of having a lot of "success" but it's because God knows exactly what He is doing with me. He's preparing me to be able to bear even more fruit. I don't know what that means. It may not come until I'm a mother but I know I'm being prepared for greater things. God has made that clear to me again and again. I know that the hurt I've felt is absolutely essential for my growth and development. It doesn't mean I'm doing anything wrong, but rather that God loves me enough to test me and I'm so grateful.

As I have reflected on my mission today I realized how much I have grown because of my experiences. I wouldn't trade them for the world. They have refined me.

Something President Lindsay always says is "As we act in faith and obedience God is with us in the work." I know this is true. He doesn't say that then we get baptisms, but that God is with us. I know it's true because I have felt it. God has been with me. I felt it so strongly today. He is watching out for me. He has my eternal progression in mind and I'm so thankful for that. He knows me better and is perfectly mindful of me.

Now please don't get me wrong as many often do when I talk about experiences like this. While I might have been hard on myself for a minute there I changed over quickly. Of course I still struggle with being too hard on myself, I practiced doing that my whole life, but I have changed so much. I am able to recognize it and stop it by praying for help.

I think hurting is good. Hurting is an opportunity to remember and rely on the Lord. I don't tell you any of this to make you feel sorry for me, but in order to help you see how grateful I am for God and for the refiner's fire that He so loving puts me through, but holds my hand throughout the whole process.

I love you all so much. I am so thankful to be on a mission at this Christmas time. I have never felt the joy of Christmas so acutely. I want to change the way I celebrate the Christmas season for the rest of my life. Making it so much less about the perfect gifts, or me but helping others have the best gift, which is my heart. I know it's the best gift because that's what I have received this year from all of you and from countless others here in Perth.

Especailly Sister T, I could not be more thankful to be with anyone else on my Christmas away from home. She is incredible. We have become so close. We have experienced so much heartache and so much joy together and she has become one of my closest and dearest friends. Some things are meant to be, and this is one of them.

I love you all. Merry Christmas. I hope it's a beautiful day and I cannot wait to see you all! Best. Christmas. Present. Ever.

Heaps and heaps of love,

letter.thirty.eight 12.16.13 ^in the sun she melted, melted, melted...^

Another good week has come and gone. First of all, it just keeps getting hotter and hotter. I honestly don't know how it does but it's getting to the point where it's hard to sleep at night because it never cools down and all we have is two bad fans. We've also had to bike quite a bit in the heat too. But I love it all because it makes me feel like a real missionary; you know those moments where I can really "suffer in silence" as dad would say. It's great! Definitely a different Christmas experience then ever before. I LOVE it! (Although I won't be sad to have a white Christmas again next year.)

 

our "Christmas lights"

In spite of the heat we've been able to have some amazing teaching opportunities this week, which I'm really thankful for. We've been meeting nearly every day with Dolly (87 year old baptismal date.) She is incredible. I love her with all my heart. She wants to get baptized so badly. She came to our ward Christmas BBQ (doesn't that just sound weird together? Christmas and BBQ?) and she loved it and got to know some lovely people. She thought she wasn't going to be able to make it to church though because her son was coming to visit again, but after a long chat and a lot of prayer she was able to arrange it with her son to come later. She loved church! She kept talking about how she was excited to come next week and that everyone was so friendly! It was perfect. God is so good to us.

Things are going super well with Haylee as well! She loved mutual this week and she loved church! She is amazing! She's even going to FSY (like EFY.) She super excited about everything, including her baptism! I feel so blessed. AH!!! I think it's really going to happen with these two. 3rd of January... it's going to be a great way to start out the New Year. Pray for them. We're trying to do everything right and I think even their agency won't get in the way:)

 

Sister T and I with Haylee and her Grandma.

Other than that it was a fairly average week. We've been very busy with teaching appointments, which is a high-class problem. I love it!

Also, this ward is amazing. I love the Como ward. They are all so loving. I think probably every person at church came up to me today to make sure I was ok after being sick last week. They were all so worried that we'd been transferred out and told us again and again how happy they were to see us back. They are so good to us. We already have our appointments set up for Christmas Eve and Christmas day. I feel so overwhelmingly blessed. If I don't get to be with you all for Christmas, then I'm glad to be here in this ward and with Sister T. I love her SOO much! We get along like we've been friends since the beginning of time. She's an amazing missionary and hilarious. God is so good to me.

Oh yes, we were also able to watch the Christmas Devotional and it was incredible. Different, but I liked it. I actually cried through the whole end of it. I can be such a souk. (cry-baby) It was beautiful. When they were singing "Far, Far Away on Judea's Plains" I could just hear dad singing his bass part like he always does and then of course I cried even more. ha I'm ridiculous sometimes.

I don't know if I already told you this but we have been singing heaps lately, to everyone, and it has been the most beautiful experience. We usually sing “Silent Night” and honestly it's not that good. We're fine but it's nothing too special, but people either cry or at least freak out. They go on and on about it. We actually sang for Jeff (baptismal date a while back from America, but just went back to the states but he did say he still wants to get baptized when he gets back! boom baby!) Anyways, he actually asked if we could do it again and he recorded it. The angels in heaven must be helping us out.:) God is so good to us. Especially in this Christmas season when it should be hard to be away from family, but it actually hasn't been too bad because of all the love I have felt from and for people.

Here is the recording he made of us singing;

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o-sY-gJpjHA&feature=youtube_gdata_player

I am thankful for this time of the year when people are more open to hear the "glad tidings!" And I'm even more thankful that I get to declare it. What a privilege it is to be a missionary at this time of year.

I love you all. I am thankful for your example and prayers. I need them. I love you all dearly! Merry Christmas you nuts! Well except dad, he's a turkey. "Everybody knows, a turkey!" haha I think of that every time we listen to that song. But let me tell you dad, you're one heck of a turkey.

Love you!

letter.thirty.seven 12.09.13 "feels like home to me"

Where to start!? This week was madness! I LOVED it! We had some really great finding opportunities. We talked with everyone and we ended up finding some amazing investigators!

At one point we were passing by this little old couple that Sister L and I taught before, they are the sweetest people. We stopped and said hello. I had just been thinking about them the other day because when we taught them before we sang for them and they both cried and loved it. They went off about how beautiful our voices were. I thought they might forget us though, because they didn't want to change so we didn't continue teaching them. But they both came out to talk to us. They went on and on about how much they loved my voice, and me, since they didn't know my comp yet. They turned to me and said, "I don't think you realize the impact you had on us. We will forever love you and never forget you." It was such a sweet moment. They treat me like their family and they don't even know me, but I feel an immense love for them. We sang them Silent Night and they both started crying again and then they invited us back and we ended up singing for their 100-year-old neighbor! It was a beautiful experience! I love Christmas time, even if it doesn't feel like Christmas time at all. We've been singing to everyone that will let us and almost all of them cry. The Spirit is amazing. You can tell that it's God singing for us.

Then Saturday was the best day ever. Oh my goodnight! I don't know if you remember me talking about a less active family we tracted into, but we've been out of contact with them for a while because they've been busy, but we were able to get a hold of them on Saturday. The mum said that she has a granddaughter that knows nothing about God but would like to so she invited us over to teach her. We had an amazing lesson with her. In the middle of the lesson she said, "I just want to get baptized!" Ummm, HALLO! Can you say golden?! We set a date with her for the 3rd of January! It was incredible. She's so excited about it and she's only 15 but her family is excited about it and actually invited us over for Christmas day. God is so good to us!

Then we went to teach a little old lady whom we met on the street. She's 87, but so so spunky. She used to be in show business and you can tell. She is always acting out her stories from her life and making these crack-up jokes. Oh my goodness I love her! I want to be just like her when I'm old. Anyways we had a great lesson, as we taught her she was shocked because she said after her research of the Bible and her experiences with God those are the same things that she has come to know to be true, but everyone thinks she's crazy. She said missionaries from other churches have come around before, but she said when we were talking with her she felt something different. She said that when we taught it felt like she was coming home. She's been searching so long for the truth and now she's found it! We set a baptismal date for her as well on the 3rd of January! A 15 and 87 year old on the same day, kind of cool to have both ends of the spectrum. God is so good to us.

The ward had a wedding at the chapel and they had heaps of extra food so they called us to come get some. I ate some of the food and drank a bit of fizzy and it upset my stomach. I thought it was just that I hadn't had fizzy in a while so it upset me. Nope. I got food poisoning... I was up most of the night in the bathroom. I felt so nauseous. It was gross. But I wanted to go to church so badly because our investigator was coming for the first time. I was determined. I got up and showered and it was awful. My whole body was aching. My skin was so sensitive that it hurt when my wet hair touched it. Weird eh? I laid down in my room and prayed for God to help me to get to church for our investigator’s sake because I knew otherwise I shouldn't go. Then the phone rang. Our investigator’s son had surprised her and came to visit so she couldn't come to church. I felt like God was telling me to stay home. So I did. It was no fun. I wish it wasn't that way and she would have been able to come. Plus, I hate missing church and staying in the flat all day; so boring and a waste of time. But I couldn't leave.

The Elders gave me a beautiful blessing though. It was exactly what I needed to hear. Heavenly Father told me that I had done the right thing in staying home and I didn't need to feel guilty (God knows me so well.) Then He told me that He was pleased with me as a trainer and who I have become as a missionary and who I was becoming. You know me, I worry about that. I've gotten much better but I do worry sometimes that now I'm being too easy on myself, but it was so nice to hear that God is pleased with me.

I've also been struggling a bit lately feeling like others must think there is something wrong with me because I don't get baptisms. I know that's a silly thing to think, but sometimes it's hard not to think that way when each month they send the mission newsletter with all the baptism photos and I'm never in there. I don't want baptisms so other people will think I'm good, but I don't like people thinking that there is something wrong with me either. In the blessing Heavenly Father also said that, even though I haven't been seeing the kind of success that I would like, He is pleased with me and knows that I am doing my best.

It was so nice to hear that. I really have been doing so much better with not being hard on myself but Satan still works hard as ever to get me to doubt myself. I'm thankful for an all loving and all understanding Heavenly Father. I'm also so grateful for the priesthood. It's been a long time since I've had a blessing and it felt nice. Although I think next time I'll just ask for one instead of getting food poisoning first. ha. But I'm feeling pretty much better now and hey I lost almost 2 kilos that's like 4 lbs. Fast, but terrible way to loose weight.

I love you all. I'm so grateful to have a beautiful family who loves and supports me. I'm thankful for your examples of righteousness. It helps me continue to move forward and endure to the end.

Love you heaps!

letter.thirty.six 12.01.13 "you're gonna miss this"

I cannot believe this transfer is over. It feels like I blinked and now it's done and let me tell you, I am so sad. This has been an amazing transfer. Our district is so close. I think this has been my favorite one so far. We found out that our district is loosing two of our Elders. Our district leader and one of my "sons." I am so sad. You think I'd get a bit more used to this, but they're both going “country” so who knows when I'll ever see them again. You make these close friendships and then they're just ripped from you and you aren't allowed to call or write. I hate it. But it will be a great opportunity to get to know even more missionaries and I'll probably be saying the same thing about them at the end of this transfer. I just love people a lot. I'm so glad that I'm staying with Sister T and I’m glad, she is the best. She and I get along so well.

Well we had a great week. Nothing super out of the ordinary happened, although we went on exchanges and that's always fun. Nice change of surroundings. I went with Sister A (Aussie) and we had a great time. We get along really well. We talked to heaps of people, no one interested but we planted some real good seeds.

It was also Thanksgiving this week and since we have 5 out of 6 in our district from America we wanted to do something, but we couldn't have a dinner because it would take too much time. As we were doing our planning that day we got a knock on our door and it was the pizza guy. Our district leader had pizza delivered to us in honor of Thanksgiving. :) He's good to us. Then that night we did a conference call as a district and we each said 5 things we were thankful for. It was really cool. It made us bond even more. It was especially helpful for me because that's what I was missing most.

One great experience we had this week was that we went to an elderly woman who’s a member’s house for a quick visit. She was so sweet, you know how I've always loved old people. We had a great chat and then we sang her Silent Night. She was adorable about it. I love being able to have those quick visits in member's homes that really help us to get to know the ward on a more intimate level.

We also had an amazing lesson with one of our investigator's named Lauren. We had a lesson with Lauren and we had a member there. The lesson went so well. It was amazing. The Spirit was so strong. We had planned a great lesson for her before and because we followed the Spirit in the lesson it was able to be even better. I love her so much. She is now one of my dearest friends. I'll have to take a picture of her and send it home. She's not quite ready to be baptized because she wants to know for certain but she is so close... this transfer baby!

Then my bike broke to the point that it was un-rideable. (The seat was all tilted back; it was comical to ride.) I was laughing my head off the whole time I was trying to ride it. We also had no k's left so we couldn't take it somewhere so the Elders, being the kind souls that they are, biked to us and fixed it. They also informed me that my back tire was completely flat. I don't know how I didn't notice. After the seat and tire being fixed biking was so much easier.  Go figure. ha.

Then on Sunday we had a musical fireside. All of us missionaries sang in it and it went really well, miraculously. We've been practicing for weeks and it's been rubbish, but with the Spirit’s help it went really well tonight. We had some non-members and recent converts there, so it was a great missionary tool. I'm always thankful for an opportunity to sing so I loved it.

Well I love you all. You all are incredible. I think about you often. I've never been so thankful for eternal families. You've shown me what it means to have quality relationships centered on the Gospel. I love you all for it. I hope you all make it a great week and holiday season!

letter.thirty.five 11.25.13 "a moment like this"

The best moment of my whole mission happened this week. Taylor, my mini missionary, was baptized! President gave me special permission to go down for the baptism, even though it was out of my zone, because of the circumstances and I was so thankful. I was so happy to see her again and I got to meet her family. She is so amazing. She is God's gift to me on my mission. When she went under the water and was coming back up I couldn't help but cry. She was finally there! The place she had wanted to be for so long. I feel so blessed to have been a very small part in her being converted by the Spirit. Mostly I was just blessed to be a witness to an incredible miracle.

She also asked me to sing at it and it went really well. I prayed so hard that the Spirit would be there, especially for her, and her mum and sister and the whole time her mum was listening and watching so intently. I hope that she was able to feel a stirring of the Spirit.

Other than that, we had a pretty normal week. We did our best to talk with everyone and we had some beautiful chats with people. We taught some good lessons as well. No one was interested now, but I know that we planted some good seeds for future missionaries. It was great. It's always a fun challenge to talk with everyone no matter how awkward the situation is. We have competitions with each other so see who can have the most awkward experience. We are laughing all the time because let me tell you; it can be pretty awkward to stop people on the street sometimes. You have to make a game of it or you just feel like a weirdo.

We have a part member family in a ward that are recent converts (the dad is still not a member) and they had to move this week on very short notice so we went and helped them. It was really good. I feel like we bonded with the family even more. It was so good. I think it softened the father's heart even more towards missionaries and the good news is they are still in our area!

Although the bummer was that after helping we lost our phone. Let me tell you, loosing your phone in missionary work is a real problem. Thankfully, we were with the Elders and they had a phone so we were able to call and get it arranged for us to get a new phone. We lost so much of the day looking for it though, which is annoying, but oh well, life happens. Sometimes I have a granny brain. ha. So that night the assistants brought us down a temporary phone. So we lost all our contacts and everything so we are trying to get them back and let people know, but we have to tell them that we will be getting a new number again soon... soo obnoxious. What makes it worse is that only about a month or so ago we had to change numbers because a man was harassing us... So now officially no one has our number so that makes life interesting. It's all an adventure! :)

Church was great this week! We didn't have any investigators at church, which is disappointing, but I very much enjoyed our meetings. The best was Relief Society. We had a lesson on Elder Christofferson's talk from conference, "The Moral Force of Women." It was so good. It was such a good reminder to me of the woman that I want to become. I want more than anything to be a mother. Being on a mission does that to you. But don't worry; I don't want to come home. I am VERY aware of how critical my mission is for me to be prepared to be a wife and mother. God has made it very clear to me.

It made me miss mum though. Oh man. I don't know if it's just this time of year or what, but lately I have really missed you all. I think it's because I am appreciating you all more and more. As they were talking about mothers I could remember exactly what it felt like when mum would draw on my face with her finger and even what her hand smelt like. (I have a very good sensory memory. I know, I'm weird.) But it made me miss you so much mum. But it passed and now I'm fine, like I said, I wouldn't trade being out here for anything.

Later we went to a single woman in the ward's house for dessert and it was such a beautiful experience. When we shared our message she opened up and told us what she was going through at the moment. I could relate to her on a small scale, but I didn't know what was right to say. I prayed and I felt so strongly how much God loved her and cared for her and her eternal progression. I was able to bear testimony of that. I was so overcome with love and emotion. I cried, I'm such a “sook”(as the Aussies say aka “bawl baby”) I will love this woman forever because I felt how much God loves her and sees for her future. It was beautiful.

It's been such a great week! I cannot believe it's the last week of the transfer. It would be crazy if Sister T and I moved so Como should be my Christmas area... weird, but good. I like it here. I love Sister T, we get along so well. She is a fabulous missionary and we have so much fun together. I am so thankful that God has again blessed me with just the companion that I needed. He is so good to me.

I love you all so much. I'm sad they don't celebrate Thanksgiving over here, but I hope you all enjoy it for me, such a good holiday. I am so thankful for the opportunity that I have to be here in Western Australia. It's exactly where I'm supposed to be. I love you all and miss you like crazy. Let's just say, I'm glad I only have to spend one holiday season away from you all.

I have told all my companions about you all and our traditions and it's really made me realize how blessed I am. I have now had two of my companions say all these things they are going to do differently when they have families of their own because they want it to be more like my family. What a blessing to be in the kind of family that I am in. I am who I am because of you all and the many traditions that we have. Thank heavens for a mum and dad who haven't been perfect, but have fulfilled their roles as parents above and beyond what is normal. Thank you, thank you for teaching me and loving me into becoming who I am. I love you all. 

letter.thirty.four 11.18.13 "to love another person, is to see the face of God"

Well another amazing week has come and gone. I honestly can't believe that we're on the last week of the transfer. This has been the fastest and best transfer of my mission. I honestly don't know how  it could ever get better than this. The reason this week was so good was because of Taylor. She is incredible. I feel so blessed to have been a part of her path to eternal life. The last few days we had together were beautiful. We had wonderful studies together and I was able to help her know how to study on her own so that when she went home she would be able to continue.

The best part was the closing fireside. We all went down to Mandurah and they had a testimony meeting where everyone could share their experiences. I asked Taylor if she wanted to bear her testimony and she was pretty hesitant. I told her I wouldn't force her, although I wanted to:) I felt like her mum. ha ha When the meeting was coming to the end I felt prompted to tell her that if she wanted we could go up together and bear our testimonies at the same time and that I would hold her hand. She seemed a bit unsure still but then she finally agreed. I told her that she could pray and ask God for help and to imagine that it was just she and I in the room because she'd born her testimony to me so many times.

So we went up on the stand to wait for our turn. I looked over at her and she was praying. I felt this immense love for her and God's love for her. As we went up we took each other's hands. She wanted me to start and finish it. So I start speaking and I couldn't help but put my arm around her and cry as I introduced her and her experience. Then she very simply and powerfully bore her testimony of Joseph Smith and The Restoration and then told them all that she wanted to baptized. I then finished it off and I had to make it real short because I was crying and my heart was about to burst. I have never felt that happy and grateful. It was beautiful. As we went to sit down she turned to me and said, "I asked God to help me and He did! I was able to do it because He was helping me and you and I were doing it together."

Honestly, if nothing else happened on my mission it would all be worth it for Taylor. She and I decided that we are going to be next-door neighbors in the Celestial Kingdom. I love her with all my heart. She should be getting baptized soon. She's just waiting to find out when her dad can come. She wants me to sing at her baptism and she's not even in my zone so I had to ask special permission, but President said it would good for me to go. I am so thankful. I wouldn't want to miss her baptism for anything. “My cup runneth over.”

I also LOVED general conference. It was amazing to me that questions that I have been wondering about for my whole mission were answered so directly. It was a beautiful and revelatory experience. I loved the focus on missionary work and families. That's what we're all about!

One of the very specific things that I felt during one of the talks was how blessed I am to have the parents that I have; parents who have given me the opportunity to see a marriage that works well, not because either of them are perfect, but because they both put God first. I also felt, very specifically, that I need to follow mum's example. I have been so blessed to have a woman of faith and covenants as my mother. Mum I love you and I am so thankful for your example of being the kind of woman that God wants you to be. I love you. I also am thankful for you Dad. You always demonstrate the proper way to treat women and to uphold the Priesthood. I don't know what I'd do with out you.

Sorry for getting all mushy on you all... conference makes me miss all of you. I actually suggested that all the sisters make soup for the zone because conference didn't feel right with out some kind of food involved. Oh man another favorite moment of mine was when the family choir sang "Love at Home." Oh man, I bawled. It reminded me of mum and then there was even a cute old man who sang like grandpa. That's when I really lost it. Then there was that adorable little girl who sang with all her heart, just like Livvy does. It made me feel so much love for all of you. Turns out it's a bummer to miss your family, but that's ok. I'm back into the swing of things and don't miss you all too much.;) ha

We also had an investigator come to conference! She is amazing! She loved it. She said after that she felt a different feeling in this church then she has in any other church. She said that she felt that the people spoke truth. She is so open and receptive to the Spirit. I am excited to get to know her even more. While she was waiting for her ride she and I were able to have a good talk. We are very similar in a lot of ways. She's one of those people that I clicked with instantly. It was amazing. I don't know why God is blessing me so much, but I am so thankful. I have found so many kindred spirits on my mission. It's just a testimony to me that this is where I am supposed to be.

I am so thankful to be a missionary. I still can't believe I thought about not coming. This is just so right for me. I love it. It's hard, tiring, and frustrating sometimes, but more importantly it is rewarding, uplifting, and sacred. I am so thankful that God softened my heart so that I could have this remarkable experience. I was reminded again in conference of how much I needed this in order to be prepared for the future. I'm starting to see that even more now. I love the plan of HAPPINESS. It really does make me happy. It's the way to ultimate joy in eternity and NOW. I can feel it. I have felt a glimpse of eternity as I have seen God's precious daughters learn of Him and come to know him. It helps me see even more that He knows ME. Truly, "to love another person is to see the face of God." I'm so blessed.

I love you all more than ever! Thank you for your love, support and prayers!

letter.thirty.three 11.11.13 "if we were in a movie"

In movies they usually have all the bad stuff happen at the beginning and wait until the very end of the movie to resolve it. Well that is how the past two weeks have been for us. This week started off slow. We had appointments fall through, investigators drop us, and my companion got sick. (Which is starting to make me think I'm bad luck... so far every one of my companions has gotten sick...) Thankfully by midweek we were out of the flat again. We worked hard and were struggling to find any success. We were really wanting to find some new investigators because of all the drops. We have a pretty small teaching pool at the moment.

So we were out trying to find a place to tract. We pulled over and said a prayer. When we came to a particular street we felt impressed to go there. No one answered on the first few houses, but then someone answered. It turns out this family was baptized a long time ago. The son is 26 now and has basically no knowledge of anything Gospel related. They were excited to have us over and we scheduled an appointment. We met with them on Saturday and treated them as if they were investigators. It went so well! They are excited to get back into this lifestyle! It was evidence to me that God does not draw a line between less actives and new investigators. They are both equally important.

Then on Friday because of different things we had almost no time to find, yet again. We had just dropped off the Elders from an activity and we were coming home. It was late enough that we would have only got home 10 minutes early, but I really wanted to find someone. So we prayed to be led to a street that we could tract for a little bit on our way home. After we prayed I felt like we should go follow up on a less active... I thought maybe I was being crazy but I was praying so hard in my heart that we would be able to find someone. I told God I would do whatever He asked so we went there. No one answered. I was determined to not give up, but it was getting late. I prayed in my heart again to know which house to knock on. I felt like we should go to this little house across the street. The whole time I was doubting myself. We knocked on this door at 8:55. A Samoan woman answered the door. We told her who we were and asked if we could share a message with her. She invited us in! Then she proceeded to tell us that she had been praying for someone to come to her to teach her more about Jesus Christ and God. She had just bought a Bible and she needed help understanding it. She said she's felt guilty for so many things that she's done and we were able to testify to her about the Atonement. It was beautiful. God is truly preparing His people. God is so good to us!

Then Saturday a lot of our time was taken up with a stake service project of painting fences. It was great fun, but once again we were left with very little time. We went tracting and no success. Then it was time to go home and we were hungry so we decided to stop by a store on the way home. While we were waiting in line to buy our food I noticed that the man behind us was watching us. Not in a creepy way, but I could tell that he knew we were missionaries. It's hard to explain, but you can tell when someone's being a creeper and when they're watching you because of the badge. I felt like I should talk to him. Honestly, I was tired, hungry, overheated and really didn't want to make the effort, but I at least just started talking to him about random things then I could tell he was from America so we started talking about America and how it's different here. I mentioned that I was on a mission and some of the things that we do as missionaries, but I'll be honest I didn't invite him to learn or anything. Bad Sister Tanner. I was not being as good as a should have, but then as we walked away he said, "So do you have a church that I can come to?"... Uh, come again?!? I almost died! Of course we jumped on that. We pulled out our card and wrote the address. He said he'd come. We were so excited! He seemed legit, but people have said they would come before and they haven't.

But, HE CAME! He came and He stayed for two hours! He loved it. He said he really liked the feeling we have in our church because he's been to a lot of different ones over the years. We asked him if he wanted us to teach him more and he said yes! We asked when and he was like, "well there no time like the present! How about tomorrow?" Wow can you say GOLDEN?! I was stunned, in fact I still am. We're having dinner at a member's house tomorrow and so we invited him along to that and he was excited about that as well. He is such a miracle! I still can't get over it. God is so good to us. Even when I fall short of fulfilling my purpose He picks up the slack. It made me more determined to continue talking with everyone, no matter how tired or hot I am.