I have a lot of fears. I always have. One of my biggest fears is heights. I seriously can't handle them... at all. Because of this fear there are a lot of things that are difficult for me to want to even try. So, when my roomies started planning a rappelling trip in Moab I wasn't even considering it. Then I started thinking about how I would be home alone if I didn't go and I would miss out on good memories. I decided I would try rappelling first and then see how I was feeling. I tried it with my brother-in-law, Kevin, and it kind of freaked me out. I told my roommates that I couldn't go because I was too weak sauce and was planning on leaving it at that. Then they kept asking me to please just try it one more time and see. I decided to try again the next day and as I prayed that night I asked Heavenly Father to please give me the strength and courage to overcome my fear enough to be able to do this. I went the next day and I was completely fine. I was really confused by this because of how I had been just the day before, then it hit me. Heavenly Father had given me the strength and courage to do it.
I went on the trip and was extremely fun. We went through a beautiful canyon and we were able to experience nature in a way that you can't any other way. There were some really scary parts along the way. Each of us had our own times that we had minor breakdowns and were really scared, but we made it through. I had expected that I would have a good time, but what I didn't expect was how my testimony of the enabling power would grow in a way I didn't think was possible. As we were rappelling down this beautiful canyon I was nervous and I said a LOT of prayers. On the first rappel I felt fine even though it was 130ish feet down and I knew that that calm was from God.
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| Sam and I at the first rappel. |
Then we got to the second rappel. It didn't look bad at all. It wasn't very high but then we saw the anchor and it didn't look super strong, but Nathan said it would be fine and went down just fine. Then it was my turn. First of all, it was kind of a freaky start for me, but I got past that. Then when I was part way down the first ledge the anchor slide forward. It didn't slide all the way or let me fall, but let me tell you, it was SO SCARY. I literally can't think of a time that I have ever been more scared. I couldn't go back up so I prayed the whole way down and I made it down fine. Then, we had to worry about Becca and Sam down safely. Becca came down ok, but then Sam came and she was carrying a heavy backpack so I was really nervous about her coming down safely. Becca and I were at the bottom watching and we could tell she was really nervous, understandably so, so I said a prayer. Instantly I felt an incredible sense of peace flood over me. I knew Sam would make it down fine. She did and we were all relieved to be done with that one.
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| Becca coming down the second tier on the second rappel. |
Then we had to search for a way down and we did one last rappel, which was only nerve racking because we were already kind of on edge from the other one. We all ended up making it out of the canyon just fine and having had a good time. I felt a huge sense of accomplishment. I had done something that I thought I would never be able to do because of my fear of heights. It was an incredible feeling. Then I got to church and I had forgotten that it was Easter Sunday. As I sat through sacrament meeting I couldn't help but cry a little bit through the whole thing. I realized as I sat listening to beautiful music and inspired words of speakers that my experience was directly related to the Atonement of Jesus Christ and that it was truly through his enabling power that I was able to get through it. I know it might sound odd saying that you need the Atonement to go rappelling through a canyon, but I really did. I couldn't have done it on my own. My Bishop quoted Elder Holland's talk when he told us that because the Savior was completely alone we never have to be. Sometimes that is fulfilled by people literally being with us. That was most certainly true for this trip. Nathan was the only reason I was able to make it through that canyon without loosing my head completely. He basically pulled all of us up the mountain and made sure that everything was secure. He made my path so much easier and doable for someone with my kind of fears.
The climax of my feelings was when at the beginning of Sunday School Nathan asked me to read a quote by Elder Bednar. He says, " The Lord desires, through His Atonement and by the power of the Holy Ghost, to
live in us-- not only to direct us but also to empower us... Individual willpower, personal determination and motivation, effective planning and goal setting are necessary but ultimately insufficient for us to triumphantly complete this moral journey. Truly, we must come to rely upon 'the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah'... The enabling power of the Atonement strengthens us to do and be good and to serve beyond our own individual desire and natural capacity." I didn't even make it through the first sentence without crying. It seemed as if the quote were tailored perfectly to fit my situation the day before. I realized that the Atonement is so much more than we typically talk about. The enabling power of the Atonement is not only a nice feature but an essential part of the plan to gain eternal life. It's something that I can use every day for things that don't seem like they should matter to God, but they do. God cared that I wanted to conquer my fear. He cared about my safety and He granted me the peace that I needed to get through it all. I could not have done what I did yesterday if not for the grace of God. I understand that that may sound over the top, but I had it confirmed to me over and over again today. God cares and through the Atonement of Christ we can literally "do all things." I am eternally grateful for a Savior that cared enough for me to provide me with enabling power that I need so severely. I know that He lives and that He loves us. I am grateful for His "grace that so fully He proffers me." What an incredible miracle. I think this has been the best Easter yet.
