I have recently been struggling with the perplexing matter of personal revelation. How am I supposed to know if it's God or just my thoughts? What if I'm interpreting my answer wrong? What if the answer I'm receiving feels like it's in complete objection to feelings of my heart? That last question is the one that has been plaguing me more than all the others. How am I supposed to follow the promptings I have received when they are in direct opposition to what my heart is wanting? The answer is that I can't do it. Not on my own, at least. I'm not even supposed to try to do this on my own. In thinking about this I read a talk by Elder Scott given in the most recent General Conference. One of my favorite quotes from that talk is this,
"Our Heavenly Father has not put us on earth to fail but to succeed gloriously. It may seem paradoxical, but that is why recognizing answers to prayer can sometimes be very difficult. Sometimes we unwisely try to face life by depending on our own experience and capacity. It is much wiser for us to seek through prayer and divine inspiration to know what to do. Our obedience assures that when required, we can qualify for divine power to accomplish an inspired objective."
I have learned just how true this is. I have decided to go against what my own selfish desires are and follow what the Lord has very clearly told me I have felt that extra strength. I know that I couldn't do this on my own, but with the Lord's help I am able to accomplish it because it is what He wants. And ultimately what He wants for me is really what I want for me.
Now that I have chosen this I have literally had help falling into my lap from every direction. It seems like every talk I stumble upon, every class I go to, and devotional I listen to was meant just for me. It was exactly what I needed to hear to sustain me. I have also had so many inspired family members and friends give me council that I dearly needed. One of the things that fell into my lap is a quote by Sister Holland in one of her opening devotionals at BYU.
"Sometimes in our sowing andreaping and sifting, it may seem that God say “no” or “not now” or “I don’tthink so” when what we want for him to say—what we wish our tapestry to receive—isan affirmative “yes” or “certainly, right now” or “of course it can be yours.”I want you to know that in my life when I have had disappointments and delays,I have lived to see that if I continue to knock with unshakable faith andpersist in my patience—waiting upon the Lord and his calendar—I have discoveredthat the Lord’s “no’s” are merely preludes to an even greater “yes.” I havelearned in the twenty-five years since I was your age that the very delays and denialswe worry about most, the very differences from each other that trouble ourself-esteem, are the differences and delays that are the very best for ourhappiness and fulfillment"This is now one of my favorite quotes of all time. It is one of the main things that keeps me going even when my heart is trying to pull me in a completely different direction. A lot of power comes in knowing that if God is telling us no than all we have to look forward to is something even better. Yes, it's still hard, but having the help of the Lord makes the load a heck of a lot lighter.
