What a week!
Missionary work is seriously the best thing EVER! I hope you all realize that
you are literally getting a small taste of everything that is happening. I
would have to write for hours to say all of the wonderful things that are
happening.
Also, they told us
that they turned our names in for temporary reassignment and we should know
what those are tomorrow so we should be able to call or email that info
tomorrow. I would guess that we will leave on Monday. They said if our visas
come before we leave to our temp mission that they will send us to Australia
instead and our visas could come any day so PRAY HARD! But whatever is right
will happen and I know God knows much better than I do. Plus, I didn't come on
my mission to do what I wanted to do. I want to be able to say that "I
have suffered the will of the Father from the beginning." So if that means
going to Montana for a while, so be it! :)
Mom got a call from Sister Tanner yesterday, she is heading to a temporary assignment in Kennewick,Washington on Tuesday unless her visa comes before then.
So here are some
highlights:
Zone teaching with
Brother Elton we talked about how to help motivate people to progress is to
change their vision of what they can become. He read us a quote by Elder Oakes
that says, "When we have a vision of what we can become, our desire and
power to act increase enormously." Man! How true that is. Sometimes I
forget that it's not enough for ME to see my investigators as they can become.
That's the first step, but I have to help THEM see what they can become. He
gave the example for Les Miserables of the Bishop finally showing Valjean who
he really could become and that's when he actually felt motivated to change. I
think it's actually very similar to mom's "water what you want to have
grow." If they never know their potential, they'll never try to get there.
On Thursday we
watched a video by Elder Holland that talked about how when we are with
investigators that the Spirit should be so strong that the earth is almost
trembling. I watched that and I knew that's what I wanted for my investigators.
I was trying to do everything in my power to have that kind of lesson. I was
praying my guts out and studying and trying to follow the Spirit. Then we went
into our lesson and I was trying to listen to the Spirit and I was praying for
that and it didn't come. It was still a good lesson but I felt like everything
I said was meh. My companions were on fire though. They were saying powerful
things! I was glad the lesson went well but I was so frustrated that I had been
praying so hard to do the right thing but then it felt like I couldn't do it. I
felt like it would have been better if I had just kept my mouth shut. So we go
back into class and eventually when Brother Dickey (who was playing Fred, our
investigator) came back in he demonstrated a lesson. I felt the Spirit so
strongly. I felt that feeling, but honestly it just made me feel worse because
I felt like I could never do that. My companions could and Brother Dickey
could, but clearly I was just not good enough. So naturally, I started crying.
It's embarrassing that I have literally turned into a water fountain here. My poor
district ha! So Brother Dickey asked me what was wrong and I told him how
frustrated I was and everything that had happened. He told me that maybe why I
wasn't feeling that was because I was like a fish in water. They don't know
they are in water because they are always in it. He said he felt like I always
was speaking by the Spirit so maybe it was harder for me to recognize. I still
wasn't sure about that though.
Then he told me that
maybe part of the reason God was waiting to help me have that experience was
for my investigators, so I could relate to them. Then he had me watch
"Trust in the Lord" by Elder Scott. It was perfect. I felt so
strongly that it wasn't because I was doing anything bad that I hadn't had that
experience. It was because Heavenly Father wanted to refine me. Turns our
refining is super painful.... but worth it. Then I realized how much Fred (our
investigator) really had the same problem and how now I could relate to him. I
also felt God tell me that this would be important for me to relate to a LOT of
future investigators. It reminded me of a blessing given to me by Scott before
I left telling me that some of the hard things I was going through were because
God wanted to bring me further on the path of perfection and so I could relate to
others. I was feeling a lot better.
Then the next day we
studied hard for our next lesson with Fred. I felt like we should sing for him.
We decided on the first and last verse of "I Believe in Christ." We
put a lot of effort into it so that our lesson would be great and so that the
song would sound good too, with Heavenly Father's help because Sister Benjamin
and I were still a little sick. Then we went to our lesson and we sang. It
happened. The Elder Holland moment I had been waiting for. We were all bawling.
I felt the Spirit so strongly testifying of the truth of the words, but more
importantly, FRED felt the Spirit. He told us the parts that stood out to him.
He always talked about how it all sounded too good to be true. But when we sang
about how from Christ we can "gain our fondest dream," he said he
felt like it really was possible. He also loved when it said, "And while I
strive through grief and pain, his voice is heard, 'ye shall obtain!'" He
said it felt like he really would be able to be with his wife again. The Spirit
helped him see who he really could become. He basically committed himself to
baptism! He asked us what he needed to do to gain his fondest dream. It was
such an amazing experience. Then I was able to tell him about my experience with
wanting an answer from God and how I had to wait but then it did finally come
and it came at the best time for me and for all involved. I was able to help
him see that the wait doesn't mean that God doesn't care about us, it's because
he DOES care about us so deeply. He knows what's best.
Then I was able to
see in my mind Fred and his wife(who died from cancer) in the Celestial Kingdom
holding hands, eternally happy. I was able to testify of who he really could
become. I felt so overwhelmed with the Spirit. I'm glad that God had me wait.
It made the experience all the more special. I don't know why I keep thinking
that I know better. Someday I'll learn my lesson. :)
Easter was amazing
here. It was fast Sunday, which was really neat. I was fasting for a lot of
things, but one of those things was that I would be able to have a better
knowledge and understanding of the Easter story. I was fasting for a really
good experience with it that day. Then in our big combined sacrament meeting
(the whole MTC) Bishop Causse talked about how we can get that by our study of
it. Then we watched Bruce R. McConkie's last talk about the Atonement and he
said that we could have a perfect knowledge of it (the Atonement) just as he
did if we studied it. I knew God was telling me that I could have that
experience I wanted but I had to put in the time and effort and not just expect
to get it from a devotional. But God also let me know how happy He was with how
far I had already come in my knowledge of the Atonement. But I can learn more.
I loved when Elder McConkie said that when he kneels at the Savior's feet and
touches the wounds he will not know any better than he knows now that He is the
Savior. Wow. I don't think I'm there yet, but I am definitely on my way there.
It may take awhile but I'm determined to get there.
Funny moment from
Easter. (ps I do have a lot of hilarious moments I just feel like they aren't
as cool as the spiritual moments so I forget to write about them, but don't
worry I'm laughing my head off and having fun all the time!) So we were in that
huge sacrament meeting, so cool, and I was SOOO tired. Common theme for me
here. So eventually I have to rest my head in my hands a bit because it was
just too painful. Next thing I know my head hit the Elder in front of me back.
BAHAHAHA soooo funny! I was dying. Who does that!? Like, oh yeah, no big deal,
I just head butted someone during sacrament meeting.... ha I need to learn how
to be able to fall asleep more quickly at night so I'm not so tired every day.
But don't worry it didn't take away from the Spirit too much and then I was
WIDE awake.
Also, Easter evening
Sherri Dew came and talked and it was seriously amazing. Hopefully Sister
Benjamin is sharing some of what she said because I am running out of time. But
it was AWESOME!
Brother Dickey took
us on a "picture walk" on Monday during class. The main building of
the MTC has TONS of pictures of Christ in it so he had us be completely silent
and ask God a question and then write down in our notebooks what He told us and
we looked at pictures of Christ. It was one of the most beautiful experiences
of my life. Honestly, some of the things God told me on that walk are as sacred
and special to me as my patriarchal blessing. One of my questions was how I could
be more Christ-like when I have such a strong and often difficult personality.
I have been trying really hard but right before that, some people were kind of
telling me that I still wasn't very good about it. I was feeling really
discouraged. So I was pleading with God to tell me how to master my
personality. As I walked I saw a picture of Christ turning the tables over at
the temple. God told me that Christ had a strong personality too. He was bold
and He did have righteous anger. I have the personality I have for a reason and
it is a wonderful personality. God wants me to be bold and strong. Yes, I do
need to work on the faults that come along with my personality and I have a
long way to go before I'm like my Savior, but God also helped me see how far I
really have come.
Another discouraging
moment. We had been talking about "teaching people, not lessons" and
I felt like my companions and I were doing pretty well with this. But then our
teachers started talking about how you still have to teach the doctrine
because that's what changes people. So my companions and I planned a doctrinal
lesson for Fred. We tried to still make it for Fred though so it would still be
teaching a person. We felt very prepared. Then when we went in our lesson took
a whole different turn because the Spirit led us in that direction. He prayed
with us and then we had him listen for what God would say to him after he
prayed. It was amazing! He literally communicated with God and he knew it was
from God. God told him some very specific things that he needed to hear. It was
awesome but we didn't get to teach any of the doctrine we had planned really.
So then Brother Dickey came to class and was telling us all how we all need to
remember to teach doctrine. I was SO frustrated. I didn't feel like I knew how
to teach doctrine and people! Brother Dickey, who's a mind reader, could tell
that I was frustrated. So he talked to me and I told him why I felt so
frustrated. He tried to help me see that because we followed the Spirit that
was the right thing and how Fred learned the doctrines from GOD instead of us
which is how it should be! But.... I was still feeling frustrated. I thought he
was just telling me that to make me not feel bad because he's a nice person.
But then we went to dinner and by the end of dinner and talking with my
companions I realized that we really did have a good lesson and doctrine was
taught. When we got back Brother Dickey had written me one of the kindest notes
I had ever received about the missionary that he saw me as. He compared me the
sons of Mosiah and Paul and Jacob. Honestly, he was probably a little too nice
but it was so nice to hear that someone didn't think I was making a complete
fool out of myself. He also told me that Satan wants me to become discouraged
because that's how he can try to weaken my faith. I have felt that so much
here. Satan knows he can't get me to go home, but he can tempt me to think
poorly of myself. The punk. I fall for the trap WAY too often. But I am
determined to keep doing better!
Lastly, in the
devotional last night the speaker talked about how Nephi went to get the plates
BEFORE he went to get a wife. He needed that foundation before he could do the
most important thing. God let me know that that was absolutely true for me. God
has told me time and time again that he has great things in store for me in my
future and that because of that I need to prepare. He told me again last night
that I would not be able to endure the things that are in my future without a
mission.; because missions are a fantastic family preparation. He told me that
in order for me to raise the valiant children that He needs in the last days I
need to be a missionary so I can learn how to not just teach them, but to help
them become disciples of Christ. I know that's not true for all girls, but
honestly, for me, I can't imagine being a mother without this kind of
experience.
I LOVE BEING A
MISSIONARY!!! So hard! but sooo good! I know I say that every time, but it's
true every day of the mission! Nothing could make me happier right now that to
be on a mission. I wish it WAS RIGHT FOR EVERYONE! It's so awesome!
