the Lord provides a way

Turns out that I really don't enjoy making decisions... at all. But who does? I recently had to make a decision that was challenging because what I wanted was not what the Lord wanted.I had some fairly strong confirmations throughout the whole process, which was important because I don't think I could have done it without that. One of the confirmations was in the form of a talk that my inspired father told me to read. It addressed literally every doubt I'd been having. The talk was  "Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence" given by Elder Holland in a BYU devotional. One of my problems was that I kept thinking that maybe I was mistaken about what I had felt. Elder Holland puts it perfectly.

 "Don't panic and retreat. Don't lose your confidence. Don't forget how you once felt. Don't distrust the experience you had... If it was right when you prayed about it and trusted it and lived for it. It is right now. Don't give up when the pressure mounts."

Another thing that was hard for me was that I knew that all parties involved would initially be unhappy because of this decision. I didn't know how I was going to cope. But Elder Holland answered that question too. 

"...along with the illuminating revelation that points us toward a righteous purpose or duty, God will also provide the means and power to achieve that purpose. Trust in that eternal truth. If God has told you something is right, if something is indeed true for you, he will provide the way for you to accomplish it. 'Therefore let not your hearts faint... Mine angel shall go before you... and also my presence, and in time ye shall possess the goodly land' [D&C 103:17-20]What goodly land? Your goodly land. Your promised land. Your New Jerusalem. Your own little acre flowing with milk and honey. Your future. Your dreams. Your destiny." 

When I read this I knew that, not only, would God give me the strength to do what I needed to do, but he would fill the void it left in my life. I have already felt that promise being fulfilled. I had the strength to do what I had to and then the Lord provided a way to help me fill that void. He sent His angels to help me through it. It started with a best friend who chatted with me the whole time I was at work, which helped me keep my mind off of it. Then, when I was sitting in my apartment, all alone, one of my friends just stopped by to chat. I'm thankful for that inspired friend for following the Lord's prompting and helping me not to suffocate in loneliness in my apartment by myself. Lastly, some of my good friends from high school, that I don't often hang out with, invited me to hang out with them. I am grateful that the Lord really does provide a way and that He compensates for the losses we face for following what He asks of us.
I am thankful that during our hard times that He does provide us with angels in our midst. I feel that acutely. I know that someday the Lord will provide me with my own goodly land. It will be more than I can imagine or comprehend now, but it will come. This small set back will only bring me closer to that goodly land and will make it seem that much sweeter.

"He lives in you."

This past weekend I went to my Tanner family reunion. It was super fun! Tanner's are slightly insane, very intense and TONS of fun! There are also lots of us. My dad had 12 other siblings and most of them have good sized families themselves too. I don't know all of my Aunts, Uncles and cousins because of this but it's fun nonetheless. Tanner's are incredibly friendly and super easy to talk to. They also make you feel like you're worth a million bucks. Man they're great!
The theme for the reunion was "He lives in you." It comes from a song in the Broadway musical version of The Lion King. The basic message of the song is that people that die before us live on through us because we are like them in so many ways. I can't think of a better way to describe the Tanner family. My grandpa died many years ago and he was a character. All of his children and grandchildren, as far as I know, have bits of him in them. For part of the reunion we talked about memories and character traits of grandpa and it was crazy how many really do live on through his posterity.
My aunt that was in charge of the reunion asked me to sing "He lives in you" for the reunion. I was a bit hesitant and actually decided not to do it because the song was not good for my style or range of singing. When I got there I started feeling like I should for some reason though. So I did. I was pretty nervous. The Tanners are a talented bunch and I hadn't practiced as much as I would have liked. So right before I went up I said a quick prayer and asked for Heavenly Father's help. Then, I gave a little shout out to grandpa. I told him that I was doing this for him so I would really appreciate it if he would be with me.
I sang the song better than I could have ever hoped to on my own. I felt like the song was written for my voice. There have only been a few times in my musical career that I have felt that way. It's very different than singing. It's like the music is radiating from my entire body. It's one of the best feelings that I have ever experienced. I also could feel my grandpa's presence there. It was one of those times that the veil was very thin and it was a beautiful and bonding experience with my grandpa and my family. Thank heavens for music and it's ability to bring us closer to others, even those that have passed.