the love story: THE PROPOSAL

Yours Truly: 

So it all began by Cole telling me that the Bishop from his home ward wanted to meet with us in preparation to get married. I know, I know, this should have seemed weird to me but Cole was really close with his Bishop so I totally bought it. We headed over and I thought nothing of it. Although, right before we went inside he started acting funny. He stopped me and gave me a HUGE hug. That's when I new something was up.

Cole: 

I've never had a heart attack before, but boy did I feel close.. My friends were all waiting at the church ready for me to ask the most important question I'll ever ask.

Yours Truly:

As soon as we walked in two former missionaries from my mission walked up with their badges on and said, "Sister Tanner, you need to come with us." I turned to Cole and basically screamed, "WE'RE GETTING ENGAGED!?!?" and he told me to just go with them. I get in there and the room was set up like a zone meeting with a lot of Cole's friends there with their badges on. Cole's best friend Austin was leading the discussion out. They were talking about Christlike attributes of Cole. It was hilarious, but also really sweet to hear about some of the things his friends had to say about him. Then, the "assistants" got a call and said that my mission president needed to speak with me. 

Cole: 

As soon as Annie left me, it was game time. I knew I could trust the biggest project of my life thus far in the hands of my best friend Austin. As he conducted the zone meeting, he, along with about twelve other of my best friends, were absolutely brilliant! I went and stood behind the big curtain in the cultural hall, anxiously waiting to ask the question.

Yours Truly:

So then they take me over to a projector and everyone leaves. They started a video recording, which by the way had technical difficulties and Cole's brother had to come in and try to get it to work. Ha! Then, it finally worked. It was a video of my mission president telling me how much he and his wife loved and missed me. It was the sweetest video and of course I got all weepy. Then at the end of his video he said something about how there was another missionary from our mission that had been practicing bold invitations and that I should turn around and "engage" in the real thing.

Cole: 

By this point, there was no turning back.... but luckily, I didn't have any desire to :)

Yours Truly:

I turned around and Cole was there. He got down on one knee, pulled out the most beautiful ring I've ever seen (although I did pick it out) and asked me if I would marry him. Of course I said yes and cried. It was perfect. Then he took me into the other side of the cultural hall that had a table set up with china and it had corn dogs, cotton candy, and coconut cream pie. Three of my all time favorite things. I was so happy! I felt like it was a dream.

overcoming loss and discouragement

I have been surrounded by miscarriages my whole life. Many people close to me have had them and I always felt sorry for them, but I had no idea what they actually went through. I grossly underestimated the pain, grief, and despair that comes with a miscarriage. To understand that I had to go through it myself. 

One week ago today, while I was in Rome, I lost my sweet baby that I have grown to love so much these few months. I was far away from home in a country where I didn't speak the language or know anyone. I have never wanted to be home so badly.

I'm not going to lie, this is the hardest thing I have had to experience in my life thus far. I felt a strong connection to my baby. I have been excited to be a mom for as long as I can remember. I have day dreamed about it and now it was finally going to be a reality. I couldn't contain my excitement. 

I had some very spiritual experiences with this baby and when Cole gave me a blessing at the beginning of my pregnancy I felt like everything was going to work out. In my mind I thought that meant I wouldn't have a miscarriage. For a lot of my life I have assumed the worst and then been pleasantly surprised if the best happened. This was one of the first times in my life that I didn't do that. 

As I started spotting blood I still felt very hopeful that I wouldn't lose this baby. I felt at peace. But just before we went to bed the bleeding got worse and that was the first time I faced the reality that I could very likely lose this baby. I felt a depth of sorrow and loss I have never experienced before. 

I felt like Cole and I should watch a Mormon message and read some scriptures. As we did together we felt a very clear impression: God knows us. He understands our situation. And just because we have faith in miracles does not mean that the miracles we want will happen. I felt that in the eternal scheme of things, Cole and I learning this lesson would be something that would bring us closer to God. 

I remembered a quote from Elder Scott's talk Trust in the Lord. He said, "Your Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit or for that of those you love."

I knew in my heart that this was true. If this was something that would be of no benefit to me I truly believe He would have stepped in and healed me. But I believe He allowed this to happen to draw us closer together and closer to Him. 

I also felt a very strong impression that angels would be with me to bear me up. He never leaves us alone. As I have been through this experience I can testify that angels have been all around. 

My first angel is my sweet husband Cole. He cried with me. He rubbed my feet as I tried to sleep. He did anything he could to make me comfortable and he made a lot of calls to make things happen. I could not have done this without his support. 

My mom was another angel and one of the most important. She cried with me as I told her of my pain and sorrow and worries. I felt her love from clear across the world. She made lots of calls and stayed up most of the night in order to help me and be there for me. I honestly don't know of any woman more selfless and kind. 

All of my family were angels. Diane, my mother-in-law, called a nurse for me and called us and expressed her sympathy, that meant the world to me. Genna, my sister-in-law called and gave me advice and most importantly just showed how much she cared. I've received prayers and texts from all of my family and I have felt power beyond my own because of their love and support. What a blessing to have family on both sides who are so supportive and truly angles in my life. 

Also my sister Michelle and her husband Kevin (they were on the trip with us.) They were amazing. This put a huge damper on the trip but I never sensed even an ounce of frustration. They got me food and supplies and my sister cleaned up all of the blood. She cleaned our room and made sure everything was perfect when we came home. Such a relief for me. 

One of the most miracles set of angels were the sweetest senior couple I have ever met. Cole found a contact number for the assistants here and they got us in touch with the mission nurse. She made special arrangements for me to see a doctor at an international hospital even though they are normally closed on Sunday. 

They drove there to meet us. Then this sweet woman I had never met before encircled me in her arms and cried with me. I felt the love of the Savior through her. Then they drove us around to get money from an ATM to pay for the doctor and drove us home. We literally wouldn't have been able to do it without them. They were a miracle. 

Then when we got home late Thursday night some of my best friends had gotten me flowers with a nice note and the perfect willow tree statue. It was called prayer of peace. I had been feeling during the rest of my trip that I wanted something to remember this baby by, but I wasn't sure what it should be. As soon as I saw that I knew it was perfect. It would always remind me of my baby, and not focus on the sadness of the loss but the power of the Atonement that I felt through the whole process. 

When we got back to our apartment the Gardners had gotten me three beautiful bouquets and put them around and left a sweet note. There are very few things I love more than flowers so this was perfect.

As I have been home there have been people continuing to be angels as they have reached out to comfort me. I have felt God's love for me so strongly. I wouldn't ever wish this upon anyone but I am really grateful for it. I know that sounds weird, but I am. I have felt God's love and the enabling power of the Atonement so acutely. 

I know that God is our loving Heavenly Father and that He knows me. I know that He sometimes allows us to go through hard things because it helps us to become like Him. I know that this is an inspired church and I felt the power and support of it through this as so many helped me. 

the love story: OUR FIRST DATE

Yours Truly:
I'd been home for about a week and a half and life was a bit insane. Cole and I had talked on the phone some and texted a bit (this seemed SUPER weird after being on a mission. I kept trying to tell my sister everything he was saying to me because it felt inappropriate to have a private conversation.) We planned to do something chill so we could get to know the non-missionary side of each other. I was really excited. I had been on several dates since I'd been home and they all were great guys, but Cole was one of the ones I was most excited about.

Cole:
Boy oh boy, I can honestly say that I was so excited all summer to finally go on a date with Annie. She wasn't really thinking about it because she was still on her mission, but I was so excited. A few weeks before she arrived home, I sent a message to Kevin and Michelle on Facebook discussing the best plan of action. Of course Kevin came up with something brilliant. It was a few days after she got home from her cabin, and I called the Tanner's home phone. As soon as Daken answered the phone, I said, "Does the goose fly at midnight?" and he responded, "Only in Nantuckett" At this moment, everyone in the home knew that I was calling. Daken gave the phone to Annie and we had a wonderful two hour conversation. It was so weird talking to her not as a missionary, but the conversation didn't feel awkward at all! We planned on going on a date the next Monday after I got home from Washington DC.

Yours Truly:
The day finally came and he came to my house to pick me up. It was so strange seeing him dressed in normal clothes and especially without a companion at his side. I couldn't help but notice that he was looking at me differently than he ever did while we were on our missions. Our first hug was a little weird because it was in front of my whole family, but not too bad. We went to cold stone first and had a great chat over ice cream. I think I said, "wow, this is weird" several times throughout the night.


Cole:
The day FINALLY came! Up to that point, I was SO excited. But then the dreaded drive up to Centerville was the longest drive of my entire life. My heart was pounding and I could feel myself breaking into a nervous sweat. My stomach began to turn and I felt a little bit queazy. I finally made it up to Centerville, but instead of going to the Tanner home, I went to Carls Jr. to use the restroom. I looked myself in the mirror, gave myself a little pep talk, and mustered up the courage to finally drive up. I said a little prayer in my heart and walked up to the front door, just to see Annie for the first time in regular human clothes looking as beautiful as ever. I was anticipating a really big hug straightaway and it would be the most magical thing in the world! But it wasn't. We kind of gave each other a little side hug and I was introduced to her lovely parents, ready to start a wonderful evening.


Yours Truly:
Then we went on a little hike/walk above the Bountiful temple. As we walked up the mountain he grabbed my hand. I was a little taken off guard. I hadn't been home very long and I wasn't sure how I felt about that, but I enjoyed it. When we got to the top we were having a great chat and we had such a good hug. Not awkward like our first. It made me feel all happy and excited inside. Hugging was something I really missed on my mission.

Cole:
We went to Cold Stone and had really naturally flowing, jovial conversation (which apparently she thought was awkward at first? what the?) But I could tell that she was happy, and I was having the time of my life. We drove up past the Bountiful Temple to enjoy the beautiful view. We got out of the car and began to walk up the hill behind the temple. For about two minutes, my heart was thumping and I just stared at her hand, then finally, yoink! I grabbed her hand! I was so proud of myself. Finally, when we got up the hill our magical hug finally happened. It was perfect! We hugged for probably an entire minute overlooking the sunset and Temple, pretty magical right?? I loved it.

Yours Truly:
Then we went to a park to go star gazing since we both love that. We were having a great chat and then we saw a shooting star. Immediately we both made a wish... to be honest I don't even remember what mine was, but then Cole was telling me to stand up. He got that look in his eye. Then he told me that kissing me was his wish and he kissed me. I remember him asking me if it was ok and I said yes. I didn't want to make it awkward. I liked him. I wanted to keep going on dates, but when I kiss I like it to mean that I am exclusively dating that person.

So fairly quickly I pulled away and explained that to him. He took it well. It lead to some great conversation. I liked him a lot after that date. I was very excited about what it could maybe bring. I wished we wouldn't have kissed, but it didn't scare me off. At all. And that's saying something for me because I normally would have run the other way. Especially, when I was so fresh off of my mission.

Cole:
Originally, I had never planned on kissing Annie our first date. I had been pressured jokingly by a few of my friends, but I really didn't plan on kissing her. We both expressed our love for star gazing, so we decided that would be a fun way to wrap up the night. We went to a park nearby her house and gazed at the stars. After a bit of time, I was feeling a righteous urge to kiss her, but I kept telling myself that it was too soon. As we were looking at the sky, however, God sent us a bright gleaming shooting star straight across the sky, which was a clear signal to me that I needed to kiss her. No witness until after the trial of your faith, right??? I told her to stand up, then I looked her in the eye and said, this is my wish, and I slowly went in and kissed her. Apparently, Annie thought that I ASKED her permission to kiss her??? Not my style. The kiss lasted probably about .8 seconds before she pulled away and while smiling said, "You punk! I don't kiss on the first date!" Ha. While feeling a little guilty and embarrassed inside, I was certain that she enjoyed it because of the way the night had already been going, even though she doesn't like to admit that. We established that we would only kiss when we were officially dating. We continued to talk and laugh and I felt strongly inside that Annie would be a great option for me to pursue.

the love story: HOW WE MET

Yours Truly:

The first day I met Cole I didn't even know his name was Cole. All I knew him by was Elder Gardner. It was my second day in Australia. I was extremely jet lagged, although I was in denial and I thought I was fine, wrong. I was feeling overly tired and a bit strange being a new place and my companion was sick to top it all off. I was FREEZING so I already had my pajamas on under my skirt and had a huge blanket wrapped around me.

Elder Gardner and Elder Jordan were my first zone leaders. They came to welcome me to the zone and say hello. They are both very enthusiastic people... I was a bit overwhelmed... I thought to myself, "Wow, these Elders are waaaay too peppy for my taste." Again, I was jet lagged and easily irritated. It ended up being one of my favorite things about their companionship.

Cole:

I remember the first time I met Sister Tanner! Not because anything special happened. There were no sparks or anything even remotely close to that. I was a young Zone Leader and more into my mission than ever at that point, being completely focused on the Lord and His work. Elder Jordan and I were excited to have another sister in our Zone, because sisters typically have a strong work ethic and bring a strong fire into missionary work. Let me tell you, Sister Tanner did just that! She and Sister Vinck were some of the hardest working missionaries in our zone and we loved being able to work closely with them. At this point, I felt no real attraction to Sister Tanner, although she was beautiful.

My first transfer in Australia with Elder Gardner

Yours Truly:

I quickly grew to love (in a friendly way) both of these Elders. My companion and I were both brand new missionaries and we really didn't know what we were doing, so essentially they trained us. I think we called them with at least one question everyday. They were SO patient and kind to us. All four of us became fast friends and I didn't think much of it. 

I always stayed good friends with both of them. They were assistants together as well and I had the opportunity to serve in places and positions that caused us to see them quite a bit and I got to know Elders Jordan and Gardner very well. I always knew that they were outstanding Elders and I was very excited that we could all be friends at BYU. 

I noticed quickly that Elder Gardner and I got along really well. He was a great leader to me. He was kind, fun, and thoughtful. The more I got to know him the more I realized how GOOD he is. Cole is just good to the core.

Cole:

As my mission went on, I continued to get to know Sister Tanner on more of a missionary level, but as a friend as well. The more I got to know her as a friend, the more attracted I became to her, and therefore, the further I wanted to stay away from her! I prayed and fasted multiple times that I would be able to stay focused and do the Lord's work with a clear mind. I sincerely did my very best to never ever flirt with her and to only speak to her like two missionaries do with each other.

Yours Truly:

Cole finished his mission 3 months before I did and when he went home he left a letter for me. It was very appropriate and kind. He told me that he loved serving around me and hoped we could write until I got home. We did. 

We started writing every week. I noticed that he would wait up until quite late (his time) so that he could get my email before he went to sleep. I found myself greatly anticipating his emails and seeing him in a less "missionary-type" way. I loved the advice he gave me and he helped me to push hard until the end of my mission.

Cole:

When I finished my last transfer, I decided that I would write her a letter telling her how grateful I was for her example of faith and hard work. She really was such an incredible missionary. I always looked up to her as one of the most obedient sisters in the mission. As I worked hard the summer I got home in Washington DC, I would look forward to emails from her every Sunday night. We wrote more as friends, but I still encouraged her to remain faithful and stay focused to the end, which I had no question that she would anyways.