the parting of ways

When I graduated no one warned me that graduating doesn't just hurt then. You say your goodbyes to people and it hurts. I knew that was coming. What I didn't know is that the hurting doesn't stop. I thought as soon as I went to college everything would be great because I would make all new friends and forget about the people I knew and loved in high school. I was wrong. Even though I made many new friends they couldn't altogether fill in the gaping hole in my heart. How I ever thought that I would be able to replace the people that I had known for so many years is a mystery to me. So many of my friendships were more than just a friendship, it was love. Not in the romantical way, but in the pure, beautiful way. I realized that I cared more about these people than I ever thought possible. They were like my family and you don't just say goodbye to family and then forget about them. It's just not that easy. The smallest things would remind me of them. What was even harder was the ones that were gone on missions so that they weren't just a phone call away. There were times when all I would have to hear is a song and I thought my heart would rip out of my chest.
It may seem that I'm being ridiculous because no one in high school could have formed that many close bonds with people, but I truly did. I had the unique opportunity to be a Student Body Officer at my high school. At my high school there were nine of us SBO's and we worked our tails off. We were in charge of a lot of events that we spent thousands of hours working on. I literally spent my entire senior year with them and because of this they became my family. They would not have been the family I would have chosen for myself, not that I didn't love all of them, I just didn't know how each one of them could effect me in such a different, but important way. Heavenly Father knew that I needed them in my life. Looking back I can see His hand in every step of the way.
I grew to love these people with all of my heart. I knew pretty much everything about them and they knew everything about me. I had a lot of other close friends from before, but it was different with the SBO's. We had a bond that I can't even describe. Sure, we had our hard times and we definitely didn't always get along. Not even close. But I think that is part of what made us close. We weren't faking it for each other. We were the real deal with each other and we loved each other regardless. I think that is the most powerful lesson I learned from SBO. I learned that people could love me for me. I didn't need to try to be something I'm not. That fact changed who I am today. I am a much happier person because of it.
It may seem random that this post is coming now, but I have been trying to cope with the hurt all year. It was hard for me to even look at the current SBO's pictures on Facebook because I was so jealous of the memories that they were making. Not that I wanted to go back to high school because I didn't at all. I just missed the times that I had had and I knew that it would never be the same. Earlier today I saw my senior yearbook on my floor so I decided to look at some of the notes in it. When I was looking at the ones of my SBO friends I felt that deep pain again and I knew that I had to come to so resolution because I didn't want to hurt anymore, but as I wrote this I came to a realization. The pain is worth it because I have the memories. I wouldn't take those back for the world. I am ready to fully embrace the new life that I have and to look back on those times with pure delight. Yes, there will be times of pain, but I can take it. How blessed I am that the hurt I feel is missing the good times I have had. Rather than hurting because I never had them at all.

just for me

I made this blog for me and me alone. If anyone chooses to read it then so be it, but you will not find eloquence or wit. I just wanted a journal with pictures and this is the easiest way. I'm not a writer and that's what has been holding me back from starting this, but since I made this just for me I don't have to worry about that.  So here goes nothing!