the reality of fear

Fear. This is something I have struggled with my whole life. I've experienced all types of fears: fear of kidnapping, fear of being left out, fear of not getting into my program, fear of never measuring up, fear of loss and so much more. I have tried to overcome my fear throughout my whole life, and I don't know that I would say I've overcome my fear. I still feel fear, but I have learned how to deal with it.

As I began my second pregnancy I was filled with fear. I had no idea what would come of this pregnancy. With my first it was easy to not feel too much fear because I hadn't experienced the pain that comes with miscarriage yet. This time was different. I had my last miscarriage in the beginning of September and it was recent enough that the pain was still poignant. 

Then, I noticed that I didn't feel the same with this pregnancy as I did with my last. I didn't feel as sick. I was so worried about it while I was out in Texas visiting my sister that I had a break down. I was so filled with fear that I couldn't find the peace that I needed. One of the ways I have learned to help me deal with my fear is to have a priesthood blessing. Cole was able to give me a beautiful blessing that in no way said that we would have this baby, but rather that I would feel peace, and I felt that peace. 

As soon as we got home I called my doctor to go in for an early ultrasound. I just needed to know what was going on. I will spare you all the nitty gritty details, but the ultrasound wasn't good and they did some blood tests to figure out if I was going to have another miscarriage. I would find out my results on Thursday night.

I cannot express the fear I had in my heart as I awaited the call. Of course it was a busy week in school so I was busy doing group projects and trying not to break down every second. On Thursday morning I went to class as usual. One of my teachers who rarely shares spiritual things told us that his grandpa was in the hospital and that it wasn't looking good. He then told us of the story of Shadrach Meshach and Abednego. He talked about how they told the king that their God would save them from the fiery furnace, BUT IF NOT they would still not worship his idol. (Daniel 3: 17-18)

This reminded of what I had learned on my mission from a talk you can find here called "But if Not" by Elder Simmons. The power of this message is that it teaches what real faith is. Real faith is not saying that you know that God will produce a miracle. This is faith, but real faith is saying that we know God can produce a miracle, BUT IF NOT we will still be faithful. We will look for the other miracles He will compensate with, even if it's not the miracle we were hoping for. Real faith is trusting that He knows better than us and that what we truly want is for His will to be done. 

As my teacher reminded me of what I already knew I felt that was God's way of reminding me how to approach this situation to be able to handle it in the most faithful and peaceful way. It was a beautiful tender mercy that helped me through the day. 

As I called in for my results I sat in the car with Cole and held his hand. I knew I couldn't do this alone. When they told me that my levels had not gone up even close to as much as they should have I felt shock. Then intense pain. I cried and cried as Cole held me in his arms. I couldn't believe that I was going to have to go through this all over again. I even turned to Cole and I said to him, "Cole, I can't do this. I can't do this again. My heart is breaking and I don't think I will be able to handle the pain." Then I remembered that I don't have to do this alone. I remembered that through the enabling power of the Atonement of Christ would be with me and help me along every step of the way.  

I have felt that power throughout this process. I still have to go in for a lot of testing as the continue to figure out what exactly went wrong and hopefully find out what we can do to prevent this in the future. It's hard being continually reminded of the loss of this pregnancy, but God has sent His tender mercies. I had a big presentation the next day in front of recruiters and He blessed me to do better than my normal best. I have had family, group members, ward members, coworkers, and many others who have prayed for me and have listened and comforted me as I grieve yet another loss. And as I sat through the evening session of stake conference every talk seemed to be inapplicable, but one. One talk didn't fit with the theme at all, but it was perfectly tailored to my situation. I knew that was yet another way of God showing me how much He cared about me and that He was walking with me through this trial. 

I don't know why this is one of my trials in this life. I don't know why others seems to have children so easily and I don't. I don't know why being a mother, which is something I have prepared and hoped for my whole life, is being put on hold, but I don't have to have all the answers.

I don't like having to go through this. It's painful, it's emotional, and it's exhausting. But, I wouldn't take it back. Just as I said with my last miscarriage I know that things I am learning from this are worth it. I know that God's most important objective is to help me become like Him and if this is part of the way I'm going to become more Godlike then so be it. I also know that whenever we feel pain it makes our joy even more sweet. Therefore, when I do finally hold my own little baby in my arms that the joy will far exceed the pain. It will be more sweet than it could have been if I was able to just have a baby as soon as I wanted without any complications. I look forward with faith to that day. 

I am grateful for the enabling power of the Atonement which makes the seemingly impossible possible. I know that He has been with me while I have gone through this and given me strength beyond my own. I know that as I continue to walk in faith that my fondest dreams will be fulfilled. Maybe not in the way or timing I would hope for, but they will come. 

the love story: HOW WE MET

Yours Truly:

The first day I met Cole I didn't even know his name was Cole. All I knew him by was Elder Gardner. It was my second day in Australia. I was extremely jet lagged, although I was in denial and I thought I was fine, wrong. I was feeling overly tired and a bit strange being a new place and my companion was sick to top it all off. I was FREEZING so I already had my pajamas on under my skirt and had a huge blanket wrapped around me.

Elder Gardner and Elder Jordan were my first zone leaders. They came to welcome me to the zone and say hello. They are both very enthusiastic people... I was a bit overwhelmed... I thought to myself, "Wow, these Elders are waaaay too peppy for my taste." Again, I was jet lagged and easily irritated. It ended up being one of my favorite things about their companionship.

Cole:

I remember the first time I met Sister Tanner! Not because anything special happened. There were no sparks or anything even remotely close to that. I was a young Zone Leader and more into my mission than ever at that point, being completely focused on the Lord and His work. Elder Jordan and I were excited to have another sister in our Zone, because sisters typically have a strong work ethic and bring a strong fire into missionary work. Let me tell you, Sister Tanner did just that! She and Sister Vinck were some of the hardest working missionaries in our zone and we loved being able to work closely with them. At this point, I felt no real attraction to Sister Tanner, although she was beautiful.

My first transfer in Australia with Elder Gardner

Yours Truly:

I quickly grew to love (in a friendly way) both of these Elders. My companion and I were both brand new missionaries and we really didn't know what we were doing, so essentially they trained us. I think we called them with at least one question everyday. They were SO patient and kind to us. All four of us became fast friends and I didn't think much of it. 

I always stayed good friends with both of them. They were assistants together as well and I had the opportunity to serve in places and positions that caused us to see them quite a bit and I got to know Elders Jordan and Gardner very well. I always knew that they were outstanding Elders and I was very excited that we could all be friends at BYU. 

I noticed quickly that Elder Gardner and I got along really well. He was a great leader to me. He was kind, fun, and thoughtful. The more I got to know him the more I realized how GOOD he is. Cole is just good to the core.

Cole:

As my mission went on, I continued to get to know Sister Tanner on more of a missionary level, but as a friend as well. The more I got to know her as a friend, the more attracted I became to her, and therefore, the further I wanted to stay away from her! I prayed and fasted multiple times that I would be able to stay focused and do the Lord's work with a clear mind. I sincerely did my very best to never ever flirt with her and to only speak to her like two missionaries do with each other.

Yours Truly:

Cole finished his mission 3 months before I did and when he went home he left a letter for me. It was very appropriate and kind. He told me that he loved serving around me and hoped we could write until I got home. We did. 

We started writing every week. I noticed that he would wait up until quite late (his time) so that he could get my email before he went to sleep. I found myself greatly anticipating his emails and seeing him in a less "missionary-type" way. I loved the advice he gave me and he helped me to push hard until the end of my mission.

Cole:

When I finished my last transfer, I decided that I would write her a letter telling her how grateful I was for her example of faith and hard work. She really was such an incredible missionary. I always looked up to her as one of the most obedient sisters in the mission. As I worked hard the summer I got home in Washington DC, I would look forward to emails from her every Sunday night. We wrote more as friends, but I still encouraged her to remain faithful and stay focused to the end, which I had no question that she would anyways.

letter.seventy.two: 08.11.14 LAST LETTER "He's not finished with me yet."

I LOVE AUSTRALIA!

I can't believe it. I can't believe it's here. It's the time you never think will come, but here it is staring me in the face. My last full week of missionary service was great. So many appointments fell through and we didn't meet our goals, but that's not what matters. What matters is that even though it didn't go the way we planned, we kept pushing through and because of it we had a great week.

This week I have been reflecting on my missionary service. It has been rewarding, to say the least, to reflect on the many lessons learned and blessing that have come to me through my service as a full time missionary. Here are a few of the main ones.

*God is good. All of the blessings that have come to me on my mission and the miracles I have seen are not because of me, but because God has been good to me and blessed me with them. 

*God really is our LOVING Heavenly Father. There have been times of overflowing joy and times of deep sorrow on my mission. In both of those emotions it was evident to me that God loves me and has a plan for me. He knows just what I need and He lovingly guides me there. He isn't just waiting to condemn our every move, but rather to help us accept the mercy that comes through His son, Jesus Christ. 

*Faith is in Jesus Christ, not results. True faith is leaving the results to handle themselves. I've found that the true measure of faith is when you keep going even when the results that you want aren't coming. You know that through Christ anything is possible, but that even if the desired miracle doesn't come you keep going and moving forward because He knows a better plan for you.

*"Perfect love casteth out fear." As I have prayed to be filled with the Savior's love for others and myself it is the way I can make it through without any fear. If you just concentrate on loving, then that pure love will help the Spirit to guide you because that is what the Spirit is all about. Love.

*The power of personal prayer. As I have striven to make my personal prayers more meaningful it has changed my relationship with God to be a much more real and personal relationship.

*Humility is the secret to happiness. True humility is what brings the most happiness in every part of life. Holding onto pride is never worth it. 

*Anyone can change. It's the most amazing thing that you get to witness on a mission. It doesn't matter where they came from, anyone can change if they choose it. Myself included.

*"Judge not, that ye be not judged." You never know where people have come from. You can't always understand the way that they are and just because someone lives differently than you doesn't mean that it's wrong. Even when it is against church standards, you have to try to see where they are coming from before you try to help them or they'll just feel judged. 

These are but a few of the priceless gems I have learned on my mission. It has been a beautiful journey. As I studied on Saturday I was reading about how to know if you're a successful missionary and about the power and authority of our calling. Then I also read my setting apart blessing. As I read I carefully considered my mission and the missionary and person I have become. I felt as I read them that I have done my best. I have never been perfect, but I have given my full effort. As I read I felt an overwhelming peace that God has truly accepted my service and is proud of who I am, but more importantly He is proud of who I'm becoming. 

There is a song we listen to as missionaries that I think is perfect. It says, "There is hope for me yet, because God won't forget all the plans He's made for me. I'll just have to wait and see. He's not finished with me yet."

I know that God isn't finished with me yet. I know that this time as a full-time missionary was just a springboard into a life of changing and progressing. I am eternally grateful for God steering my path in this direction. Especially when I was so fixed in another direction. I have been blessed beyond what I ever could have imagined while being here and I'm so thankful for that. 

I know that missionary work changes people because it's changed me. I know that this isn't just a nice church, but the only true church on the earth and I am so thankful to be a member of it. I wouldn't trade that for anything. 

I love you all. I can't believe I get to see my family in just a few days. I love you with all my heart and never could have done it without your love and support. 

Heaps of love from down unda,

letter.seventy.one 08.04.14 All in the Lord's time.

Wow. This is getting a bit outrageous. I cannot believe how fast this week went. I think every morning I've turned to my companion and said, "I can't believe it's Wednesday." Or whatever day it was. Time is just slipping through my fingers, but we had a great week.

This week we were able to teach a lot and it was perfect weather so we were even able to walk to some places and find new investigators from walking from place to place. It was delightful. 

There were so many people that we were able to teach and testify to. I am trying to really make the most of my time here and take advantage of the unique privileged that it is to tell people that I know with a badge over my heart. I love it. I feel like I don't know any other life now. We have been so blessed with incredible spirit-filled lessons. 

One of the best was with S. She is amazing. She is so ready for baptism, but she was just struggling to commit to a day. She's been coming to church the whole time I've been here and is even going to seminary every morning. She's awesome. We've been studying all week to know how we can help her make that leap of faith. So on Sunday during Sunday school we took her and a few of the girls that are her fellowship and we had an amazing lesson. The spirit was so strong. We actually showed the first bit of the John Tanner movie. I felt so much gratitude for such an incredible example from someone who is my forefather.

We talked about the sacrifices people make to be baptized and why they make them. We talked about the promised blessings of baptism, especially the Holy Ghost. We talked for a long time about the gift of the Holy Ghost and the amazing blessings that come with it. 

We also showed her "Your potential, your privilege" of Elder Utchdorf's and helped her see the blessings that are waiting for her when she lives up to her full potential by being baptized. Then we asked her if we all could kneel together and pray to pick a date. We first looked at the calendar and looked at days. First she was looking for some time in September. Then we pointed out to her that if she got baptized this week she would be able to do temple baptisms when they go down to Perth. That's what changed it all. It was amazing to see all the girls there supporting her and encouraging her. Not in an overbearing, pushy way, but it helping her realize that she can do this and that she is ready. It was awesome. She is the bomb. She picked this Thursday, so it can replace mutual. Then we all knelt in prayer and she prayed the most sincere prayer to Heavenly Father asking if this was His will. The spirit was so strong. I thought I was going to cry. I felt so overjoyed! She did it. I love those moments. It makes it all worth it.

The last step was for her to check the date with her parents. Her parents have already said that they don't mind if she's baptized and they even think it's a good thing, we just had to see how they felt about this date. 

This morning we talked with S and she said she talked with her mum and that her mum is ok with her getting baptized but she wants her to wait because she wants to make sure S is really committed. She doesn't want her to just get baptized and fall away. When she first told us that I felt a peace enter my heart. I knew that it was all going to work out that was best for S and her family. It would have been amazing to have her baptism before I left and knowledge and commitment wise she was very prepared, more than a lot of people I've taught. I know that God has a plan for her though. Who knows? This could be the way that her family starts to accept the gospel. All I know is that God has a plan and that He knows what will help her to progress to exaltation and I'm just happy that I got to be a part of it. She'll get baptized, but in His timing, not mine and that's just fine with me.

God has been so good to me and I thank Him every day that He lead me to be on a mission and to be here in Kalgoorlie. I have loved every minute of it and I plan to give it every last bit of my heart and soul in my last week. I love this work too much to do it any other way.

I love you all. 

 so much love from down unda, 

letter seventy 07.28.14 "sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy..."

This week has been great! I think the sunshine made everything much better. I love warm spring days! Sunshine on my shoulders really does make me happy, especially after such a cold week last week.

This week started off to be a bit of a challenge. We had heaps of appointments set up for Tuesday and Wednesday and almost all of them cancelled, but we found other very meaningful things to do so it was great regardless. I think I'm really starting understand better how much joy is in the effort and commitment. We still had a great week and we taught heaps, but it wasn't the way we planned it. A lot of our member present lessons fell through, but at the end of the week we still ended up having quite of few. That was such a blessing. 

We have had some powerful lessons this week. I love being a missionary! I'm trying to live up every opportunity that I get to teach and testify. I have been bolder than ever. I am really trying to "leave it all on the stage." It feels great. It's not even that I'm doing anything too different from the beginning of my mission, but it feels good to do it faithfully to the end. I just love teaching and testifying!

Some of our most powerful lessons this week have been those with less-active members. God has been steering our lessons 100%. In one instance, there is a girl, not too much older than us, that has been less active for quite sometime. Sister K and I started to develop a relationship with her. She's awesome and has a solid testimony of the fundamentals. She just needed a push in the right direction. This week we had a lesson with her about the gospel of Jesus Christ. Heavenly Father guided the lesson. By the end she was committed to speak with the Bishop this Sunday so she could fully heal and repent. It was powerful. I felt so much love for her. I know that she is part of the reason that we needed to be here. It's amazing to be able to connect on a spiritual level. We were able to talk about her divine nature. As we did tears came to my eyes. I love her so much. I feel so blessed to be able to have watched her progress to where she is now. She's coming to church every week. I love watching and being a part of people's progress. It's one of the greatest blessings of missionary work. 

We also had a great lesson with an investigator. We hadn't been able to have a proper lesson with him ever really, but we had two this weekend and it was a blessing. He has recently been through some hard things that have caused him to turn to God, even though he's from China and that's not his culture. He has been so prepared. He is asking all the right questions. He wants to know and he wants to be a part of the gospel. He said that he wants to be baptized after he learns more. I've very rarely met people more real intent that he has. It's amazing. I feel so blessed to be working with him. God is so good to us!

We have also been trying to work with and teach the members more as well. It has been great! The members here are awesome! They are all so keen to help us in our missionary work. They're helping us to fellowship and we're working with them to help us to find as well. It's been so good. I love the relationships you are able to develop with members on a mission. Ok, so basically I just love everything about being a missionary... I'm going to miss it so much. That's why I am going to keep giving all my heart and soul to it. 

I think one of the things God really has blessed me with this week is to feel loved, by Him and by others. I feel His love surrounding me. I love the people that He has put me here to serve and I feel their love too. I know that a lot of these people may not ever remember me, but I will remember them. The people of Western Australia have written their names in my heart forever. I am so thankful for this opportunity to serve the Lord here. It's a unique and special opportunity that I wouldn't trade for the world. 

I love you. Thank you for your prayers. I feel them. I feel your love and I feel so blessed to have such an incredibly supportive and encouraging family. 

Heaps of love,

letter sixty.nine 07.21.14 member friend lessons :)

Ann got to spend this last P-day in "the bush with her district and a family in the ward.

We had a great week! It has flown by! It started off looking like it might be slow. All of our appointments on Tuesday cancelled. Even the people that never cancel…cancelled. But, we still went out and did our best and were blessed to find a new investigator.

But then, Wednesday was epic! We had four member present lessons! That is how many we had total last week! It was such a blessing. Lessons with members are the best. It makes all the difference. 

One of the people we saw was the partner of a less active member. She was amazing. She has such a sincere desire to learn and to do what it takes to find out. With the help of the Spirit we were able to teach a very powerful lesson about the restoration.

That day we went to another part member family with the ward mission leader and had an amazing restoration lesson as well. I have really been feeling the spirit and power of the restoration. The kids were soaking it in! The ward mission leader was the perfect fellowship as well. He helped them feel so comfortable. They had us all stay for dinner as well. The ward mission leader actually ended up staying for 45 minutes after we left talking with them. It really was a member friend lesson more than a member present and that made all the difference! What a blessing. They are such an awesome family. They have so much potential!

We also have had many lessons with our golden investigator this week as well. They were also, all member friend lessons. She is progressing so much because of it. She's 15 and she is changing so much. She has been coming to church steadily for the whole time I've been in Kalgoorlie. She is close with a lot of the girls, but bringing a member had made all the difference. She is really living the gospel. 

One of the lessons we had with her at the beginning we showed us that she had memorized Moroni 10:32-33 that we had shared with her because she liked it so much. She showed us how she'd been highlighting all the verses she loved. Then we were talking about enduring to the end and she opened up to 2 Nephi 31:20 and read it to us. She said it was her favorite one that she had read about enduring to the end. She is AMAZING!!! I can't get over it. She's looking to get baptized on the 2nd August.

She is incredible. She even went down to Perth with the youth this weekend to youth conference. She also told us that she has seen a change in her life since she has been coming to church and living this life style. She noticed that she's much happier and her life is going in a better direction than other friends who are taking a bad path. I feel so blessed to be teaching someone who is so prepared!

I think the best part of this week was when President and Sister Lindsay came. It was sooo amazing to have them here. They came just for the day, but it was so uplifting. I remembered again how much I love them. They came and gave us the training that they did in zone conference and it was so good. 

My favorite part was Sister Lindsay's. She talked about change. She talked about how we all change when we're here on a mission and invited us to reflect on the ways that we've changed. As I sat there reflecting on the many ways that I have changed I felt overwhelmed by how much I have changed. I am amazed by how God has molded me and shaped me into something much better than I have ever been before. I am so grateful for that. 

We were also able to spend a lot of alone time with Sister Lindsay. She came with us to a lesson and it was another beautiful lesson on the Restoration and teaching with her was delightful. Then she did a flat inspection and we went shopping for a few things. It felt like being with our mum. She just praised us and made us feel uplifted and loved the entire time. It was such a tender mercy. 

Just before they left President did interviews with each of us. I went last of everyone and their flight was leaving soon so mine was very short, but it was so powerful and uplifting. As we sat together he told me how much he loved me and appreciated the things I have done over the course of my mission. He told me how thankful he was for me. Again, I felt like I was with my own dad for a minute there, he even teared up just like dad would have. I felt so much love for he and Sister Lindsay. I love them so much. I have learnt so much from them, and it was so nice to feel so much love for them. It was just what I needed to feel even more motivated to keep going strong to the end of my mission.

And one last tender mercy; we have become good friends with a member who is going through a really hard time. He's come with us to many lessons and has always been a bit closed off. On Sunday we were at another members for dinner and he was there. We shared a message and the spirit was so strong. I looked over and he was getting a bit teary. That is so completely not like him. A while after the lesson he texted us and told us that that was the first time he's felt the spirit in a long time. I thought I was going to cry. That is not like him at all to text something like that. I felt so blessed to be able to be a part of something that finally was able to touch him because he's such a good person, he just needs more of the spirit in his life. God softened his heart. God is good. 

I love being a part of this work, a work that changes lives. It a work that is continually changing mine and I know it will continue to do so even after I'm done being a full time missionary. I am so thankful that God knew better than me and that He guided me here to Western Australia as a missionary. I love it! I love you all!

letter sixty.eight 07.14.14 the power of the Restoration

Another week has come and gone. I don't understand how that keeps happening. Time passes in such an odd way, especially on a mission. But we had a great week! This week I have felt the power of the message of the Restoration acutely as we have had the opportunity to teach it. 

 

small town Ann works in.

One lesson, with a family from PNG went particularly well. We have met with them several times and invited them to be baptized but they said they didn't feel like they could, they just enjoyed our visits. So this week we took the Restoration DVD and watched it with them. The Spirit was so strong. They all talked about the good feelings that they felt as they watched when Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph Smith. We could tell that even the children felt it. Although they have always been receptive, it's been the mum who's not been so into it. But this time she talked about the power she felt from that story. She even asked if she could say the closing prayer. I think she thanked Heavenly Father three times for the blessing of having missionaries come over and how much they look forward to it, but even better than that was that she told God that she realized that she needs to search like Joseph Smith did and find out if she's on the right path. She asked God to help her know what path to take. It was so powerful! 

parking problems...

This week I was studying the Restoration and because I've been on my mission for a bit now it's easy to just glaze over the study of it. So I prayed and asked if He would help me know a way I could help it be more meaningful. I felt prompted to take each section and read it and then right down what it meant for me. How it had changed MY life. It was so powerful. I felt like my testimony of the restoration deepened I was able to bear a much more powerful testimony. God is so good. He knew that was just what I needed. 

We also had a lesson with this AMAZING girl named S. She is what a lot of people would call a "dry" Mormon. She has been coming to church for a month and a bit now. She is a young woman who was invited by friends. She knows it all and comments more in class than the active members sometimes J. She is golden. She just hasn't felt ready to be baptized. We felt inspired to read Alma 7 with her and apply it to her situation. As we did she told us how much she loved it and how it all made so much more sense to her. While we were reading she said, "Wow! I love these scriptures!" It was so good. God is so good to us. She is now working towards a baptismal date!

There were also a few points in the week where I was feeling a bit blah. It's freezing here so we always have heat going in the car and nothing makes me drowsier than that. So we were trying to think of ways we could help this and other things we wanted to improve. So we thought we'd go out on the bikes. That was so inspired! On Saturday we went out and were on the bikes for hours. We were able to find investigators and talk to so many wonderful people. I felt great. There is just a good feeling about biking. You feel like a real missionary. Although, I'm glad we do have a car, as our area is a bit dodgy at night even in a car, but during the day biking is the best!

 

Ann's current favorite healthy treat. 

favorite PB down under.

I have been able to tell a lot this week that Satan is really trying to get me down. He doesn't want me to finish my time as a full-time missionary strongly. He isn't a fan of the idea of me going home on a good note. I have felt him try to tear me down so many times this week, but I'm so happy to say that I haven't let him. I refuse to. There have been moments where I wanted to succumb, of course, but it seems those are the moments when the Lord gives me a gentle reminder of why I'm here.

I love this work so much. I feel so blessed to be a part of it.  I know I say this every week, but my cup truly runneth over with love as I participate in the work of salvation. It is the greatest work in the world. I am so thankful that it's a life long pursuit and it will continue even after I finish my full time service because I LOVE it!

I love you all and I hope you make it a great week!

ps funny story....

So we were following up at a former's house and there is a huge gate. As we came up to it I could just feel that there was a dog... so we slowly open the gate and I very cautiously go inside well behind Sister W... Then this MASSIVE dog jumps their back fence, which is very tall and comes running at us.... I of course run and pull the huge gate closed and I'm just holding onto it while the owner tries to pick up the dog to force him inside. Then we try to talk to him about the Gospel and he starts showing us all of his tattoos. He even showed us one on his stomach. I think we both nearly threw up and we just tried to get out of there as fast as possible... It was awful, but funny looking back on it. I have learned to be very cautious of gates on my mission and I can't say my mission has helped me like dogs... not at all... Just thought I'd share. :) Life is crazy in Kal! Love you!