"He lives in you."

This past weekend I went to my Tanner family reunion. It was super fun! Tanner's are slightly insane, very intense and TONS of fun! There are also lots of us. My dad had 12 other siblings and most of them have good sized families themselves too. I don't know all of my Aunts, Uncles and cousins because of this but it's fun nonetheless. Tanner's are incredibly friendly and super easy to talk to. They also make you feel like you're worth a million bucks. Man they're great!
The theme for the reunion was "He lives in you." It comes from a song in the Broadway musical version of The Lion King. The basic message of the song is that people that die before us live on through us because we are like them in so many ways. I can't think of a better way to describe the Tanner family. My grandpa died many years ago and he was a character. All of his children and grandchildren, as far as I know, have bits of him in them. For part of the reunion we talked about memories and character traits of grandpa and it was crazy how many really do live on through his posterity.
My aunt that was in charge of the reunion asked me to sing "He lives in you" for the reunion. I was a bit hesitant and actually decided not to do it because the song was not good for my style or range of singing. When I got there I started feeling like I should for some reason though. So I did. I was pretty nervous. The Tanners are a talented bunch and I hadn't practiced as much as I would have liked. So right before I went up I said a quick prayer and asked for Heavenly Father's help. Then, I gave a little shout out to grandpa. I told him that I was doing this for him so I would really appreciate it if he would be with me.
I sang the song better than I could have ever hoped to on my own. I felt like the song was written for my voice. There have only been a few times in my musical career that I have felt that way. It's very different than singing. It's like the music is radiating from my entire body. It's one of the best feelings that I have ever experienced. I also could feel my grandpa's presence there. It was one of those times that the veil was very thin and it was a beautiful and bonding experience with my grandpa and my family. Thank heavens for music and it's ability to bring us closer to others, even those that have passed.

the happiness advantage

Choosing happiness is something that I have been working on and learning about for several years now. It's an empowering concept. I taught a workshop last night for Relief Society on emotional wellness that gave me the opportunity to think about it again. I thought I would share some of the things I learned.

First of all the talk that they gave me to use for my workshop was amazing! I can't believe I had never read it before. It's called, "Happiness, Your Heritage" by President Uchtdorf. Read it. He says that he believes that God has the greatest form of happiness and because we are His children we have it within us to be able to find the same kind of happiness. We may not be able to get there all the way in this life, but we can start coming closer to it. He suggests that there are two main ways that God feels happiness; through the work of creation and through being compassionate. 

CREATION: When I first read that I thought to myself, "Well dang, I can't create. I don't have artistic or crafty abilities..." but President Uchtdorf gives a definition of creation that is much more do-able for those of us who may not be artistically inclined. He says, "Creation means bringing into existence something that did not exist before-colorful gardens, harmonious homes, family memories, flowing laughter." That seems much more do-able for someone like me with none of the normal creative skills. Then for all you perfectionists out there he says, "What you create doesn't have to be perfect. So what if the eggs are greasy or the toast is burned? Don't let the fear of failure discourage you. Don't let the voice of critics paralyze you-whether that comes from the outside or the inside. If you still feel incapable of creating, start small. Try to see how many smiles you can create, write a letter of appreciation, learn a new skill, identify a space and beautify it." Everyone can create smiles. It doesn't matter if your creating a masterpiece or a smile. They both will make you happy and others around you happy.

My final design.

This Spring term I took a Floral Design class. I had no previous training or knowledge about flowers, but as I learned and created these designs it was very pleasing. At first, I was frustrated because I kept failing. Nothing turned out the way I wanted it to and to top it off the designs of the boy who I took it with always turned out better than mine, but I was still enjoying it because, regardless of how it turned out, it was still pleasing to learn a new skill that I knew I could continue to improve. I stuck it out and I'm glad I did because I learned a lot and my last design turned out great... well I feel like it did.
He finishes off by saying, "The more you trust and rely upon the spirit, the greater your capacity to create. That is your opportunity in this life and your destiny in the life to come. Sisters, trust and rely on the Spirit. As you take the normal opportunities of your daily life and create something of beauty and helpfulness, you improve not only the world around you but also the world within you."
BEING COMPASSIONATE: I felt liking being compassionate was a little more understandable, but when you're not feeling happy it can be really hard to feel compassionate. President Lorenzo Snow gives a good formula for getting past this..."When you find yourselves a little gloomy, look around you and find somebody that is in a worse plight than yourself; go to him and find out what the trouble is, then try to remove it with the wisdom which the Lord bestows upon you; and the first thing you know, your gloom is gone, you feel light, the Spirit of the Lord is upon you, and everything seems illuminated." Feeling depressed is a selfish feeling. I'm not saying that this makes you a bad person for feeling that way. Everyone does and for some people it's not something that they can control as well as others. What I'm trying to say is that if we are feeling down we need to look outside of ourselves. Spread positive energy to others and that will help you push out the negative selfish energy inside of you. To sum it up... "In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we answer may be of even greater importance. Let us open our eyes and see the heavy hearts, notice the loneliness and despair; let us feel the silent prayers of others around us, and let us be an instrument in the hands of the Lord to answer those prayers.
Going along with what President Uchtdorf said is a video that my brother-in-law emailed to me. Watch it. It's pretty short and the guy is hilarious. The main point of the video is this, "It's not our reality that shapes us, but the lens through which we view the world that shapes our reality. If we can change the lens, not only can we change our happiness, but we can change the outcome as well." He discusses what people's formula for success is. Work harder to be more successful and then you'll be happy. The problem with this formula is that you can never really be happy because you keep redefining what "success" is. Once you get into the school you want then you have to get good grades and then you have to get a good job and so on and so forth. This formula will never bring you lasting happiness. What he suggests is that we reverse this formula. We need to be happy now and then we will be more successful. It has be proven time and time again in studies. When you are positive dopamine is released into your brain, not only making you happier, but it also turns on all the learning centers in your brain. Therefore, making you more successful! That is an empowering concept. So how can we become more positive? Well through the things the President Uchtdorf said and then Shawn gives a suggestion of doing at least one of five things for 21 days to make it a habit. Here's the list:
1: Record 3 things you are grateful for.
2: Journal about a positive experience you had each day.
3: Exercise.
4: Meditate, breathe deeply and clear your mind of thoughts for at least 5 minutes.
5: Do a random act of kindness. (As simple as a text, complement, smile, or email.)
As you do these thing you will be happier and have the happiness advantage because it's happiness that brings us an advantage not our advantages that bring us happiness.
One last quote from the talk, and I really feel that this is the key to it all, "I believe that as you immerse yourselves in the work of our Father-as you create beauty and as you are compassionate to others-God will encircle you in the arms of His love. Discouragement, inadequacy, and weariness will give way to a life of meaning, grace and fulfillment... happiness is your heritage."

my parental units

     I know it’s late for mother’s day and it’s early for father’s day, but I wanted to give them both a shout out because I’ve been thinking about how much I love them lately. I love the relationship that I have with them. It’s much more like a friendship then what you think of as a normal parent-child relationship.  They’ve never been the type to tell me what I can and can’t do and I’ve never been grounded in my life (my mom doesn’t “believe” in it.) We have a relationship that is based on trust and respect, which makes it possible for us to be blunt with each other, while realizing that it is all out of love. My parents never get mad if I tell them that I think they’re wrong and they’ve never used “because I’m the parent and you’re the child” as a reason for anything they ask me to do. We all respect each other’s opinions even though we don’t always agree.  I’ve taken a few classes that we talked about good and bad parenting while I’ve been at BYU and I have been amazed that I have had basically perfect parents, not that they’re perfect people. I lived with them long enough to know their strengths and their weaknesses, but what makes them nearly perfect is that they are willing to admit that they might be doing things wrong and work their best to change that. They have set the bar high for me as a parent someday, no pressure…

Momma:

     I love my mom with all of my heart. She and I have always been close. She is my rock. She’s the person that I can tell everything and she won’t judge me. She is so logical. Just the other day I called her and the first thing I said was, “Mom I just need to vent. I know I’m not supposed to, but I just need to today so can you just listen for a minute?” Of course she said that she would and she let me go on and on about all of the dumb little things that were either stressing me out or making mad. She validated my feelings by telling me that she understood why I felt that way, but then she helped me see the logical side and made me feel much better. She believes in me even when it feels like no one else does. She tells me that I look beautiful even when I clearly don’t and not because she’s lying, but because she loves me so much that she sees me through a much more Christ like lens than I or anyone else does.

     I love all of my mom’s weird quirks. She’s literally INSANE sometimes and I love it! I don’t think people would guess that she’s as weird as she is when they don’t know her very well, but she is. For instance, one of my favorite memories with my mom is when we were sitting on the deck of my cabin and she starting shoving popcorn down my shirt and up my nose and then laughing her head off. I love that we have that kind of relationship. We can be crazy and out of control, but then there are the times that I would come into her bedroom at ridiculous hours of the night sobbing and she would just hold me and cry right along with me. She’s amazing and not to mention she’s beautiful!

Papanwa:

     

      I love my dad a whole heck of a lot. He’s one of the hardest working and faithful people that I know. He is the definition of having your head on straight. He is the type of person that will do anything for anyone. He basically never sleeps at night because he’s always busy doing good things. He has always had a really busy job and most of my life was either Bishop or Stake President and he made it work. He can get more done in a day than anyone else I know. It’s amazing how efficient he can be. And even though he’s busy he takes time for the little things that matter. He has set a very high bar for whoever I end up marrying someday because he treats my mom like a queen. He also has always taken time out of his busy schedule for his children. He was always to everything that he could be. I could tell that our family came first for him. No matter how much work he has, he will always take time to do whatever we need. He also has been an incredible example of a worthy priesthood holder. He has literally given me blessings at any time of day or night. Not to brag or anything but he’s kind of a superstar.

     I have been so blessed with incredible people in my life all over the place, but they are definitely two of the biggest blessings. I love them so much and I think part of that is because they’re the ones that taught me how to love by the way they've loved me. 

"my cup runneth over"

I don't know how many people have seen "Facing the Giants" but it's a very cheesy movie with an incredible message. It's one of my mom's favorites. When the main character feels that he has been given so much as the end he says, "I feel so overwhelmed!" It's a little bit comical, but I really can't think of a better way to describe how I have felt recently. I have been flooded with miracles and blessings. Here are some of the highlights:

• First of all my older brother Alan got a job and an apartment for his cute family, which was a huge blessing. 
• On Monday I was able to enjoy my last day of break before school with some of my fam and friends. Kevin, Michelle and I went on a walk by a river and then Kevin and I got in because it was so hot.

It was FREEZING!

 

 

• Tuesday I started classes for spring and I fell in love with my floral design class and actually didn't mind Econ. 



Lee Daken McGuire

• On Wednesday was the best part of all. I got a new nephew! It was Michelle and Kevin's first child and that in and of itself was a miracle. They had waited a long time to be able to have a baby at all and Kevin was supposed to be moving to Colorado for a summer internship before his actual due date. We have all been praying that, if he was healthy enough, he could be born early enough so Kevin could be here. Her due date was May 21st and he came on the 25th of April and was very healthy and EXTREMELY cute. 
• That same day I also found out that I received a half tuition scholarship for academics from BYU which was a huge blessing because I have worked really hard to get good enough grades so that I could get one I didn't think I had made it. 






• Because of all of the excitement on Wednesday I didn't have a lot of time to do my Econ and I didn't have very much sleep in me so I had a minor breakdown. One of my good friends asked me the next day how I was doing and I told him about it. Then when I got home I there were flowers for me. I seriously have the best friends!
• On Friday I was supposed to be helping my brother move and we weren't going to have a lot of help. Then I asked some of my guy friends in the ward and they all were willing to help. It made the work much more fun and much faster. 
• Also my incredible roommate left me a note and ice cream. 
• I also got to talk to two of my best friends this week: Ashlena and Cami. I love talking to them, it always brightens my day. 

 

 
It has been a great week full of more blessings than I thought was possible. It is amazing to be able to feel so much love at one time. It makes the whole world brighter. "my cup runneth over" with love and gratitude for the wonderful people in my life that make weeks like this happen.
 

rappelling into the depths of the Atonement

     I have a lot of fears. I always have. One of my biggest fears is heights. I seriously can't handle them... at all. Because of this fear there are a lot of things that are difficult for me to want to even try. So, when my roomies started planning a rappelling trip in Moab I wasn't even considering it. Then I started thinking about how I would be home alone if I didn't go and I would miss out on good memories. I decided I would try rappelling first and then see how I was feeling. I tried it with my brother-in-law, Kevin, and it kind of freaked me out. I told my roommates that I couldn't go because I was too weak sauce and was planning on leaving it at that. Then they kept asking me to please just try it one more time and see. I decided to try again the next day and as I prayed that night I asked Heavenly Father to please give me the strength and courage to overcome my fear enough to be able to do this. I went the next day and I was completely fine. I was really confused by this because of how I had been just the day before, then it hit me. Heavenly Father had given me the strength and courage to do it.
     I went on the trip and was extremely fun. We went through a beautiful canyon and we were able to experience nature in a way that you can't any other way. There were some really scary parts along the way. Each of us had our own times that we had minor breakdowns and were really scared, but we made it through. I had expected that I would have a good time, but what I didn't expect was how my testimony of the enabling power would grow in a way I didn't think was possible. As we were rappelling down this beautiful canyon I was nervous and I said a LOT of prayers. On the first rappel I felt fine even though it was 130ish feet down and I knew that that calm was from God.

Sam and I at the first rappel.

     Then we got to the second rappel. It didn't look bad at all. It wasn't very high but then we saw the anchor and it didn't look super strong, but Nathan said it would be fine and went down just fine. Then it was my turn. First of all, it was kind of a freaky start for me, but I got past that. Then when I was part way down the first ledge the anchor slide forward. It didn't slide all the way or let me fall, but let me tell you, it was SO SCARY. I literally can't think of a time that I have ever been more scared. I couldn't go back up so I prayed the whole way down and I made it down fine. Then, we had to worry about Becca and Sam down safely. Becca came down ok, but then Sam came and she was carrying a heavy backpack so I was really nervous about her coming down safely. Becca and I were at the bottom watching and we could tell she was really nervous, understandably so, so I said a prayer. Instantly I felt an incredible sense of peace flood over me. I knew Sam would make it down fine. She did and we were all relieved to be done with that one.

Becca coming down the second tier on the second rappel.

     Then we had to search for a way down and we did one last rappel, which was only nerve racking because we were already kind of on edge from the other one. We all ended up making it out of the canyon just fine and having had a good time. I felt a huge sense of accomplishment. I had done something that I thought I would never be able to do because of my fear of heights. It was an incredible feeling. Then I got to church and I had forgotten that it was Easter Sunday. As I sat through sacrament meeting I couldn't help but cry a little bit through the whole thing. I realized as I sat listening to beautiful music and inspired words of speakers that my experience was directly related to the Atonement of Jesus Christ and that it was truly through his enabling power that I was able to get through it. I know it might sound odd saying that you need the Atonement to go rappelling through a canyon, but I really did. I couldn't have done it on my own. My Bishop quoted Elder Holland's talk when he told us that because the Savior was completely alone we never have to be. Sometimes that is fulfilled by people literally being with us. That was most certainly true for this trip. Nathan was the only reason I was able to make it through that canyon without loosing my head completely. He basically pulled all of us up the mountain and made sure that everything was secure. He made my path so much easier and doable for someone with my kind of fears.
     The climax of my feelings was when at the beginning of Sunday School Nathan asked me to read a quote by Elder Bednar. He says, " The Lord desires, through His Atonement and by the power of the Holy Ghost, to live in us-- not only to direct us but also to empower us... Individual willpower, personal determination and motivation, effective planning and goal setting are necessary but ultimately insufficient for us to triumphantly complete this moral journey. Truly, we must come to rely upon 'the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah'... The enabling power of the Atonement strengthens us to do and be good and to serve beyond our own individual desire and natural capacity." I didn't even make it through the first sentence without crying. It seemed as if the quote were tailored perfectly to fit my situation the day before. I realized that the Atonement is so much more than we typically talk about. The enabling power of the Atonement is not only a nice feature but an essential part of the plan to gain eternal life. It's something that I can use every day for things that don't seem like they should matter to God, but they do. God cared that I wanted to conquer my fear. He cared about my safety and He granted me the peace that I needed to get through it all. I could not have done what I did yesterday if not for the grace of God. I understand that that may sound over the top, but I had it confirmed to me over and over again today. God cares and through the Atonement of Christ we can literally "do all things." I am eternally grateful for a Savior that cared enough for me to provide me with enabling power that I need so severely. I know that He lives and that He loves us. I am grateful for His "grace that so fully He proffers me." What an incredible miracle. I think this has been the best Easter yet.

baking disasters and delights

So I'm basically in love with baking. I have been feeling more and more confident with my ability to cook as I've been cooking for a dinner group for the last year and I'm in a foods class this semester. I also had learned to trust pinterest... I still kind of do, just not completely. Saturday night Bec and I decided we should go to the store and get stuff to make a good Sunday dinner for us and Sam because it had been a long time since we had all been home for Sunday Dinner. We decided to try a new recipe from pinterest. It had good ingredients so we thought that it must be good. It was called "melt-in-your-mouth chicken." I made it just how the recipe told me to and then I put it in the oven. We were all really excited because it smelled good and looked just like the picture on pinterest. Here it is in case you haven't seen it:

It looks delightful right?

Wrong! What it actually tasted like was this...

Yep, salt! It was SOOO gross. Bec even got the chills when she took her first bite! Such a disappointment! Luckily, we had some awesome potatoes and an incredible salad so that we didn't die, but still it was kind of depressing for me. 

Then we had decided to make churros for dessert and I messed them up by leaving the dough out too long, but I thought Bec had saved them until when we took them out of the oven they were all burnt on the bottom. Although I have to admit that they weren't that bad and everyone at dessert night loved them, it was just depressing to have two failures in one day!

So today I had my foods class and we were all making our own apple pies to take home. I was feeling like I was a horrible cook, but I decided to try my best anyways. Everything went really smoothly and I decided to try a lattice crust. Here's how it turned out...

pre-baking

post-baking.

I can't lie. I was very pleased with how it turned out. The lattice crust even turned out looking decent. And most importantly, it tasted SO GOOD! We had it with some boys from our dinner group and they brought ice cream and I'm a sucker for hot pie with ice cream. It's probably a good thing this pie turned out or I would have sworn that I would never bake again. Turns out that now I'm hooked again... big shocker there.

the media today = filth

I've been thinking a lot lately about how good Satan is at reeling people into his traps. He knows just how to do it so that you don't feel like you're doing anything wrong at all and then all the sudden you find that you're rationalizing everything. I think Satan's main way to reel us in at the moment is through the media. It seems as though there is so much filth on TV, in movies and in songs that sometimes I think that I should never watch/listen to anything again, but that is not the case. The media can be a positive force too. There have been several movies and songs that have literally helped my testimony to grow and I'm not talking about church related media either. There is some good out there. You just have to sort through a lot of bad to get through it.
It breaks my heart to see how many FABULOUS people watch garbage! They have been lulled into Satan's trap. Don't worry, I completely understand that I have been there done that. This past fall semester I had a professor who pointed out something that I have not been able to stop thinking about. He told us that one of the main reasons that really good people break the law of chastity is because they watch bad things. I know, I know you've heard it before and it doesn't feel true, but let me finish. He then pointed out that when you watch bad media a lot you begin to stop recognizing when the spirit leaves you. This presents many problems, one of the biggest being when you go to far the spirit will leave, but if you don't recognize that you can get into trouble that you wouldn't have otherwise. When he told me this I decided that it was a big deal and that I need to do something to make sure that I wasn't desensitized. My professor challenged us to go without media for 30 days and then go back and see what things bother you. I decided to do it and the effects were amazing. I realized so many things that I had been watching or listening to that I shouldn't be. Now that I have cut those things out of my life I have felt a HUGE difference. I have been happier and I can literally feel the spirit with me more often.
I wish that everyone would try this so that they could see how much happier and safe that they can be. It has blessed my life more than I could have ever imagined. I think this is something so crucial because the media is getting so horrible. Remember when "Brokeback Mountain" came out and everyone flipped? Yeah well now in shows that EVERYONE, including really, really good people watch there are gay and lesbian couples are MAIN CHARACTERS! That is so sad to me. This is something that needs to be stopped. We can't keep thinking that this is ok. We have to become re-sensitized.