This
week was a golden week because it
was my GOLDEN birthday! I had a wonderful birthday! We had a zone meeting that
was so inspiring and amazing. They talked about how we can become more
consecrated missionaries.
The
golden opportunity this week came
from Gennie. She was set to be baptized on Saturday but after Sunday we weren't
sure anymore. We determined to see her every day to try to help her resolve her
concern. We went over on my birthday and she tried to give us everything back
and say that she wasn't ready for baptism because of tithing and that she would
call us if she was interested again. She said she still loved us and that we
were welcome anytime. My heart was broken. Gennie was so ready for baptism. We
talked to her for quite some time and even had her pray right then to see if
she could get an answer from Heavenly Father. She said that she didn't but that
we could come back and see her on Thursday.
In
the meantime we prayed and fasted. We were praying with all of our hearts.
Gennie is amazing and we just wanted her to have the blessing of the Holy Ghost
in her life. We tried explaining that to her, but she still wasn't getting it.
We prayed and asked Heavenly Father is we should just leave it alone and try to
have her baptized on a different date, but we both felt very strongly that we
should try for her being baptized this week, hence all of the prayers and
fasting. I have never invested so much energy in a person. I have so much love
for her and my love grew even more through all of this. We felt like we should
offer her a blessing by the Elders Quorum President so he came with us to our
lesson on Thursday. It was an amazing lesson. It was truly guided by God. The
blessing was beautiful. She said she still didn't feel it though but that she
was open to still being baptized if she got the feeling back. In the blessing
it promised her that if she prayed and read her scriptures that she would get her
answer. I felt so confident that it would happen. So we said we'd come by Friday
morning. We went in so prepared. I had some of my most sacred PMG and Book of
Mormon studies that I have had in my life.
The
lesson went nothing like planned but it was very guided by the Spirit. At the
end she prayed and then said she still didn't feel it, but that there were
still 5 hours until the baptism so she would pray and read to get her answer. I
knew that if she did and she was open to it that she would. So we said we would
stop by an hour before the baptism. When we did she told us that she hadn't
even had time to pray about it. I was crushed. I felt like I had given her my
entire heart and dedicated so much to her because I loved her so much and she
didn't even put in the effort. I was so sad, not mad at all, but disappointed
by her lack of effort. I didn't know why it felt so good to try to have her be
baptized this Saturday if this was the result but I was determined to not let
it get me down. I knew that this happened for a reason and so instead of asking
God why I asked Him what He wanted me to learn from this experience. And it was
good I determined that because then one of our other investigators called and
dropped us very bluntly... It was hard but I had already made my resolve to not
get disappointed, because that can weaken your faith.
God poured
out the answers, but not too many came on Saturday. It was kind of hard to sit
at the baptism and watch someone else be baptized when we wanted Gennie to be
there so badly, but it was ok. I already started feeling some of the things I
was supposed to learn, but the main answer came on Sunday during church.
We
went to church and Gennie didn't come, but Sacrament meeting had been planned
perfectly for us. One of the speakers even told a mission story and it was
basically our same experience. It was so comforting. As I sat pondering in
church I was writing the things I was learning from this experience and I
realized something about the Character of Christ, which is something that I
have really been trying to understand on a deeper level. I realized that Christ gave His all, more than it is even possible for
us to give even though He KNEW the outcome. He knew that people wouldn't
accept His Atonement, but He did it anyways. He didn't just put in the effort
for those that would accept it. I realized that God let me feel a piece of
that. Although different in the fact that I thought she would be baptized. I
realized though, that God loves all of His children so much that He wants me to
put in my best effort for each of them, regardless of their choice in the end.
I am representing Jesus Christ and that is what He would have done. It's hard.
It breaks my heart to give so much and see the people I love with all my heart not
accept, but it's worth it because they are worth it. Hopefully Gennie will be
baptized sometime soon, but the true lesson the God allowed me to learn was
that I should be giving my all, all of the time. He let me understand the
Atonement from a different perspective than I ever have before and that is
worth all the broken hearts in the world. That is a truly golden experience.
Also
I can't neglect to mention that God blessed us so abundantly! We were able to
find 6 new investigators! (Normally we find 3 on a good week!) God is so good
to me. I can't help but thank Him with all my heart for being so kind and
watching out for me so closely.
I
love you all! I wish I had time to write more. In answer to your question Mom,
a typical week is full of teaching and very little tracting here. It's so fun!
I love it here!
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