Oh
what a week. It was so so so much fun to see you all on Christmas! I thought
I'd died and gone to heaven. You all were the best present I got, although I
have LOVED my other presents you sent. You're so generous. Thank you, thank
you, thank you!
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| Christmas Eve. |
Christmas
was awesome. I loved spending time with the two families in the ward. And Dad
the Filipino family made us the best flan I've ever had in my life. It. Was.
Incredible. I nearly died. It was a beautiful Christmas; I felt so much love
and peace all day.
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| Christmas Crackers. Best Tradition Ever. |
Although
after Christmas had come and gone I wasn't sure what to do. For my whole
mission, Christmas has been my marker point. I knew it was about half way and
that it would be a great day so I've looked to that and now I'm not really sure
what to look to because it's a bit overwhelming to think of the end of my
mission as a marker. That's how I am though. I have to have something to mark
the way if I will be able to endure well.
Then
this week we couldn't get a meeting with Haylee so she seemed less solid and I
was just really struggling with having the desire and motivation to keep going
out. It can be slightly daunting to go out when you know you've got 5 straight
hours of finding ahead of you. But I was trying to keep a positive attitude. It
was never a question of whether I would go out or not. I don't stay in the
flat. I just had to force myself. I was tired and just felt blah.
I
prayed for strength to be able to make it through. I needed help just to get
out the door on Saturday and get on my bike. I didn't know what to say to
people or how I could keep going but I did. I know it's only because God was
helping me. Almost 5 minutes after we left to go out we were talking to a man
on the street and he said we could come over later that night to teach him. So
not only was it a new “gator” but something we could do that night instead of
just straight finding.
Then
we were able to have some beautiful conversations with people, who didn't
become “gators” but they had a very positive and uplifting experience with Mormon
missionaries. God is so good to me. I didn't think I would be able to make it
through the night, but He blessed me to be able to make it; one step (or pedal
really) at a time. It turned out to be a great night.
This
was Saturday and so that night I prayed for help. I thanked Him for His help
that day but I also poured out my heart to God about how I wanted to be able to
feel the drive that I usually do. I pleaded for the help and strength I needed
to be able to know how to overcome this little hurdle.
Then
church came. First of all it was amazing because Haylee came to church even
though we hadn't had a lesson all week! She said that she wasn't going to stay
for the whole 3 hours at first but then she ended up staying and saying that we
could have a lesson with her after lunch! It was amazing.
The
other thing that was a miracle was that God provided me with the perfect lesson
for my pleadings the night before. We had a combined lesson and it was on New Year’s
resolutions. (speaking of, if you haven't watched the New Year’s Mormon message
go watch it now. It's so good.) That wasn't the part that really stood out to
me though.
We
talked about the talk and watched two of the Mormon messages by Elder
Christofferson called, "Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread." Michelle
sent that talk to me a long time ago and I loved it but I needed to hear it
again and the way it was presented helped me so much. I realized that it was ok
that I wasn't feeling like I could conquer the world at the moment. I just
needed to get through the next day, the next hour.
I also
realized, that while I don't particularly like this feeling of needing help to
do every little thing it helps me grow. I realize that I can't do this on my
own and I get to feel even more strongly of God's guiding hand in my life.
I
realized how much God has blessed me on my mission to learn this several times
over. I can't even count how many times I’ve felt helpless on my mission. I
knew that I didn't know what the investigator, my comp, or I needed. I had to
rely on God. I have had to go into lessons, contacting, and meetings hand in
hand with the Lord because I knew full well I couldn't do it on my own. I
didn't have the wisdom or the strength. I feel so grateful to have learned that
and to continue to learn that.
It
also gave me the motivation to keep going and pushing forward, no matter what.
God will give me the strength. I don't have to focus on the time I have left,
but just on the next day, the next hour, the next minute if need be.
This
is what has and will continue to help me gain a real relationship with God. I
know Him. He loves me. I feel than when I pray, especially in those times where
I know I'm at the end of my capacity and I have to fully rely on Him. He
doesn't always boost me with heaps of energy or wisdom, but sometimes just
enough to light the path and keep me praying the whole time for what I or
other's need. There were more things I learned and I hope you've all read the
talk/watched the Mormon messages. They're incredible.
The
lesson then concluded with the bishop’s remarks. He talked about how they have
been struggling with cancer and many other things but that sometimes when we
pray for the big miracle we don't get it, but when we look for the little
miracles and tender mercies we can always find them. He said that on the lowest
point (the day before Christmas Eve) God sent them a miracle. Us. We were doing
some caroling and we stopped by their house. It didn't make logical sense
because we were going there the next night for dinner, but something kept
telling me that we should go there so we did. He said they knew it was God
telling them that He loved them and was watching out for them.
God is
good. He knows and loves each of us. He cared enough about this family that He
sent us to their house caroling even though it wasn't logical. He changes me.
He sanctifies my offering, no matter how big or small it is, depending on
my capacity at the moment.
I am
thankful for the growth and the change that comes on a mission and that has
come for me because my mission hasn't been a breeze. I am thankful that I have
had to rely on God because I have developed a deeper and more real love for
Him. I know that Christ lives and is with us as we reach out to Him to
"give us our daily bread."
I love
you and miss you all. I could not be happier to be out here! I hope you have a
wonderful new year! HAPPPPPPPPPPY NEW YEAR! (As dad would say)
Love
you heaps,
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