letter.twenty.three 09.01.13 "on the road again"

On the way to a mission leadership council with our zone leaders.

Well the reason I'm emailing earlier this week is because we're on the road again! We're going out to Kalgoorlie today. Look that one up on the map! It's a 7-hour train ride and we are super excited. We're doing exchanges with the sisters out there! President said he normally doesn't let people do this because it takes so much time and it's expensive, but he thinks that these sisters will really benefit from it. Most people never get to go to Kalgoorlie on their mission, especially sisters, so we're feeling very blessed to have this opportunity. President and Sister Lindsay both are really excited for us to be able to go out. And one of the sisters out there is Sister A (my MTC comp) so I'm THRILLED to be able to see her again! It's going to be a blast. We're going to work out tails off! We'll be gone until Wednesday. It feels like all we've done this transfer is travel, but I love it! It's always fun to be with other sisters and the sacrifice of our time is worth it and not many people get this opportunity on their missions. It's an incredible learning experience. We love it. I should be sending heaps of Kalgoorlie pics next week!

This week has been a great week! We had, yet another, exchange which was amazing! I was up in Golden Bay, which is in our district still and I was with two wonderful sisters who I learned a lot from. We were able to see some very simple, but real miracles. It was great. It left me feeling great! Then we met back with the other sisters and they had set a baptismal date, which is amazing, and I really was so happy for them, but Satan knows me so well... All the sudden I started to doubt my ability. I started to think that maybe it really was my fault that the area has been having a rough patch.

I was trying to pretend like everything was ok and that it didn't phase me, but I felt like all of my love was for nothing and then I remembered the Savior and that He was "despised and rejected of men" even though He gave all of His love and His life for them. I'm not claiming that I am like the Savior or went through anything even in the same ballpark as Him, but I felt the smallest of small tastes of it. I realized, once again, that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Just that my Heavenly Father is pleased with what I am doing.

So I poured out my heart to my Heavenly Father. I wanted to feel His love so badly. I felt a flicker of peace and love, but not the overpowering love that I wanted, but it was enough to get me by. It was enough to help me get up and keep moving. But I'm doing my best to love and not worry about what anyone else thinks.

Then we had mission leadership council on Friday and it was amazing. The best one I've been to yet. President addressed so many answers to my prayers I have wanting to have more faith and know better how I can do that. It was powerful. I felt so pumped up at that meeting! It was amazing.

Another tender mercy of that meeting was that I was able to see two of the sisters I was in the MTC with. I always love seeing them.  I always feel so much love from and for them. God's timing is perfect.

Then we got home and my comp got a chunk of her ankle taken off by our screen door so we spent 3 hours in the hospital, which was an interesting experience, we definitely bonded. She'd never gotten stitches before so I was able to hold her hand through it all. It was good to bond.

Then Sunday was amazing. It was fast Sunday and I was so grateful because there were so many things I wanted to fast for. One person I was fasting for was Lata (our investigator with a baptismal date) and of course that morning she texted and said she couldn't come to church. I was so bummed. I felt frustrated for a minute because I was trying so hard to have faith, but I decided it was just a good experience to stretch my faith. We also went over after church to her house and had a beautiful lesson with her. It turns out her daughter had gotten her fingers stuck in the door and wasn't really in a state to come to church. She even prayed and asked God to forgive her for not coming to church and to help prepare the way for her to come next week! It was amazing. She is so prepared.

I also had an amazing experience at church. All throughout the whole 3 hours of church God gave me answers to my prayers and fasting. It was incredible. He went all out to help me feel loved. Even though in the moment when I prayed to feel His love I didn't feel it very strongly, it just prepared the way for me to feel it more strongly on Sunday. It was incredible.

The Sacrament was especially meaningful to me this week too; because I've been wanting to be better, and I was able to feel the power of the Atonement as I prayed for forgiveness for my inadequacies and for help to do better this week. I felt an overwhelming love from Him. I knew that God loved me in a deep and personal way. I could feel it acutely. I love church, I have never appreciated it so much as I have on my mission.

All in all this week has been AMAZING! I honestly loved it. I love my area, my comp, my ward, and all of the missionaries I have the opportunity to serve with. God truly is good to me.

I love you all. One of the things that brought me the most comfort while I was struggling was envisioning in my mind our family together, when we're all there, kneeling around mum and dad's bed. I knew that we weren't all together but that each of you were praying for me on your own and I could feel the support. Thank you for your prayers. They make all the difference.